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Thursday, August 30, 2012

As I Go On

As I go on
through days and hours
 that I’d much rather give to you
I spent 31 years unknowing
I wouldn’t have any more
With you to see me through
I close my eyes,
and fade into nights
Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair
I’d give you a watch
Filled with all of my time
But it caught me unaware
and struck me deep
 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all
I’d be more than okay with none
 I keep asking a thousand questions
And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts
Were as light as the clouds
so the wind can easily push them away
Instead, heavy and loud
There in my mind they always stay
And the more I picture your smile
The more I wish I didn’t have to go on
With just a picture everyday
I miss you
It’s all I can think, and all I can say

Monday, August 20, 2012

My Little Sister ( A poem for Amanda)

My Little Sister (A Poem For Amanda)
Although now you are grown
my little sister I will always see
Yet I don’t think there was ever
 a time you looked up to me
You were always so independent
Knew how to work the VCR when you were three
I had to watch the Breakfast Club
And White Water Summer, A thousand times a week
I was the quiet one and you
still haven’t stopped talking since you learned how to speak

You and I-We are
like day and night
Even our initials (A.M. and P.M.)
Fits us so right
But there is one thing we share
 That’s my love for you and your love for me
I’m your big sister
And you will always mean the world to me

I recall the countless times
You pissed me off and I wanted to knock you out
Then you made me feel bad
When your eyes were sad and your lips would pout
no matter how many times our characters clashed
We were there for each other when we needed to be
You know you’re my little sister
And you will always mean the world to me

As a child you
 cracked me up with your silly ways
And even sometimes you still do now
You brightened up most of my days
But good through bad- in my heart
 my love for you forever stays
No matter
how often we may disagree
I’m proud to be your big sister and
You will always mean the world to me

Monday, August 13, 2012

Spreading Ashes

A neglected candle
fallen to the ground
flames reaching desperately
to be seen and found

Destroying all that
Breezes kiss
Annihilating darkness’s cloak
With a bitter hiss

All that once breathed the sky
Is choking on the smoking hate
 Alarming love
Though sadly, it is much too late

If only this candle knew it began
 as a spark ignited by life’s shining prayer
Perhaps then it would have danced with hope
Instead of spreading ashes of despair

We need an answer
And I believe it’s beating at each chest
Until we let love in
Hate will gain more power and never need to rest

Friday, August 10, 2012


In a quiet room
 Filled with the calm of honest light
Our thoughts sang a duet over the rain
It was a few deep breaths in the night
That would heal this soul 
for infinite days to come

Risking all
the stinging, inevitable goodbyes
for the chance
to answer the what ifs and whys
for the experience of knowing
something good and extraordinarily true

So while some think us full of crazy
as they continue complicating what remains of time
by holding out for permanence
permanently pondering love in an obscure rhyme
I will hum a tune of a duet I was a part of
when harmony reigned once upon a rainy night

 I spend my hours now
with gratefulness and clarity
and I smile
at all that is beautiful and true
these things I would have never known
 if I never sang with you

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


You shouted over
The voice in my head
My thoughts bulldozed
Trapped beneath your volume
Until the last of me was dead
And direction remained unfound
of unwanted sound
causing a train to wreck in the night.
The sky was high but dim
and I believe I am somewhere
near that unseen light

Stumbling through a cloud of you
formed through evaporated tears
life became so weak
from the unused, passing years.
So tired left me through with trying
and anger made me wish I could.
Suffocated, panicked,
splashing sorrow.
Unable to swim across a fear
to say goodbye to tomorrow

So much inside
needing to come out
and become someone
but the streetlights
stood like prison guards
 throughout the endless night
a permanent curfew
and from a star, hung my suspended dreams
I wonder if your voice wasn't so loud,
would my courage have heard my struggled screams?

All the dusty pieces of me
scattered on a basement floor
I couldn't be whole enough
to be anything more
So here I am,
still as I was...
too broken to break through
the barriers
and I wonder...

 If your voice wasn't so loud
would I have heard
 my own bravery
and walked towards a way out
with enough strength, and a proud heart
to silence each daunting shout?