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Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Sky Has Long Since Lost Its Blue

 3-3-10

It’s midnight now
And the sky has long since lost its blue
On the terrace
eager to catch a late summer night’s breeze
in the background
Beethoven’s piano plays
A tune of present sorrow
Somewhere lying on an untouched key
is a note of hope yet to be heard,
though once it’s touched
a smile will greet the sunrise tomorrow


Goose bumps form beneath my sleeves
In tune with the sighing wind
And the shrugging branches
Showing off its abundant leaves
The crickets gossip of the madness
That goes on between the earth and moon
The birds, all deep in repose
After fluttering about from morning to late afternoon

In the midst of the cool wind’s charity
The noise of traffic suddenly disrupts
Any chance of clarity
These eyes attempt to avoid
the streetlight’s glares
The cigarette’s smoke escapes from my mouth
and swirls around Like a tornado formed
of whispered prayers

Perhaps tomorrow
I’ll be kissed by the rays of the sun
And maybe I’ll let it catch me
Even if I should feel the urge to run

For now the night understands my troubles
So I’ll spend my time with the moon
For as long as it will have me
And never tire of its comforting tune.

Whispers

2007

While she sleeps
He lies awake
His eyes turn
To her side of the bed
Is she dreaming of him
Or some long lost love
It doesn’t matter
She looks content

Such beauty, such serenity
Fills the room
His soul is calm
As he listens to each
Deep breath she slowly takes

A cool breeze sneaks through
The open window
She shivers for a moment
He pulls the comforter
Slightly higher to protect
Her bare shoulders
then kisses her cheek

He whispers I love you
Now in this peaceful night
Before during the afternoon storm
I love you
when the wind is fierce
When the clouds are still
Then he fades back to sleep


As she slowly wakes
Her eyes turn to
His side of the bed
To study the man of her dreams
In his tranquil state
Her love for him is
Perfect in all of its imperfection

She whispers I love you
Now in this silent room
Before when thunder filled the air
I love you
When the sun is farthest from the sky
When the birds return for spring
Then she kisses his face


Now they lie in a quiet slumber
filled with passionate dreams
They’ve already made love
Now they cherish it

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Finding Solace Within

 2008

A heart so cold and numb
Tears too frozen to cry
The ice would not break
My spirit couldn't fly
Too far from that so-called home
My wings were clipped
Searched for comfort
In each glass of wine I sipped
It just left my tongue
with a bitter taste
but for a while
 the memory of you was erased

There were no rivers
Just an icy pond
I waited for Mother Nature
To wave her wand
And bring us spring
The calendar never changed
and you and I
remained estranged
It seemed as if March would not go away
And February's fallen snow
 would always stay


Yet now here I sit
Doing just fine without the likes of you
alone but not lonely and now
the sky is a different shade of blue

Listening to love songs
They no longer make sense
Inside this house
Which around I've built a fence
To keep all the
Mr. Wrongs at bay
This hibernating heart
Will awake again one day
Perhaps when the sun
Finds its way to May


For now I have found solace within
And covered all the scars
on the place where your love pierced my skin

If I Should Come Across Tomorrow

1-14-10

There’s a red bird
And it dances with the branches
While the sky flaunts
Its best blue dress
I watch the airplanes carry people
their dreams
Balancing on a shaky cloud
Thoughts of tomorrow
In my mind are daunting and loud
But I just want to be here
And be silent
With right now
In this weightless moment

Tomorrow’s too heavy
For my soul to carry
My hearts too familiar with the past
I’ve been there and done that
all the t-shirts are worn and faded

This minute is like new love
A first kiss with closed eyes
Beneath the blinding sun
These legs are too content to run
So I think I’ll stay
But if I should come across tomorrow
I hope it brings me more
Than I left with yesterday

Who I Am

I am me
And that may not be a movie star
Or any role in any movie
But I play my own role well
Each day that my life reels on
And the ending will be
Whatever I want it to be

My picture has never been in a magazine
Though my mind has painted images far prettier
and my eyes recognize beauty when they see it
I have a heart capable of loving beauty
in all of its forms
And loving is beautiful
So therefore I am beautiful

When walking about with my face uncovered
No make-up, no style to my hair
I may not think of myself as much to look at
But I’m not looking in the mirror
I’m looking at the world
And there is plenty of stunning in it to see
And the world is a reflection of me

I haven’t sung in front of thousands
This melody in my soul
May be a tune too heavy to carry
But if I sing it, I won’t have to hold it
My song will render me weightless
and thousands of tears
will run down to kiss my smile

I don’t have millions of dollars
And I probably will never earn
A quarter of that in my life
but I have friends that have offered me
infinite amounts of rich laughter
even loaned me their smile on a sad day
So when the bills pile up, there are many debts that I can still pay

I am me and you are you
When it’s all summed up
together we are extraordinary
For those reasons alone
And in all the ways it counts the most

Our worth is not to be undervalued
It's to be multiplied
by each part of life that we're a part of
and to be cherished
with each day of living

The Stains of Longing

 4-10-10


She sat there on the porch, silent
No shimmer in her sleepless eyes
Just as plain as a white t-shirt
Wanting the rain to come down
To wash away the stains of longing

So envious of the moon
how the stars
they all seemed to swoon
and surround the night with love
she wished on them all
for a voice as strong as the wind
Just a little more courage
To do more than just pretend
To be crowded with life
And for the loneliness to end
Waiting…
for a little sunlight to befriend

Perhaps it was all her fault
Pushing away chances
Instead of clouds
Until her eyes became a faded blue
Blending with the grey
Remaining speechless
Though there was much to say

Overpowered by thunder
Her heart’s telling
Could vaguely be heard
And so she misinterpreted
Every single word

If only she could spend a day
Without the night
Lost in her own darkness
Determined to find the way
To make it all right

What If

5-28-10


Too much time to think
And not enough time to be
So many hours wasted
Trying to run away from me
So how with all that moving
and with all that leaving
Am I left here standing
Still
 In front of this mirror?
And which reflection is true?
Is it this?
Confusion
 surrounded by many shades of blue?
or the one your eyes show
When the sparkles in them dance
and show me all that I could do?
What if it is neither
And I am not worthy to be in the midst of your view?

What if all this mind wandering
 and these floating thoughts
Will forever carry on,
 until the time I cease to exist
Preventing my footprints
 from ever showing on the sand
What if I can never open my heart
or unclench my fist
Or if my appearance is nothing more than
a Lipstick mark, wiped away
 from the many cheeks that I have kissed
Never to be seen or felt again…
when the world is still here and I am gone.
These are the thoughts
That seem to always linger on

Not Quite Gone and Not Quite Here

10-25-10

Just another thirsty moment
Without a drink in reach
I once felt greatness within
Yet never unleashed
The beat was kept encaged
Beneath a solid, quiet layer
Relentlessly muting a thunderous heart
Until it lost all its rage
And fell apart
Into many shattered pieces
that will never become art
Swept up and thrown away

Blue eyes that only see gray
Searching for a sun that stopped glowing
Around the time
this body stopped growing
I fear I’ll never shine
As I once did in my youth
Before I lost all imagination
And found the truth

  Can’t shake this dread
That once the memory fully fades
The ocean will lose its waves
And these feet will be left standing
Stranded and dry in the sand
Stuck between not quite gone
 and not quite here
Motionless as the winter shore
A dreamer without slumber
Surrendering to the nevermore

Unwelcome Visitor

Last night I was visited by memories
thought to be long forgotten
Of rivers cried
And love gone rotten


I turned wet pages
Some were torn
From horrific rages

I traced my finger
Over every word and somber verse
A past that belonged to someone else
Yet follows behind me like a curse

Back then my pen was strong
Though my voice was weak
So I wrote
But I would not speak

This dusty book
From so long ago
Now seems written
By a soul I do not know
And hope to never know again

Yet sometimes on quiet nights
This stranger visits me now and then
I do not welcome
this gloomy visitor's company
but out my window the shaky branches
appear to beckon me
I opened the window just a crack
And in with the wind
All that sorrow came breezing back

Ghosts of the past
trapped in present time
A tear drop
Between every rhyme
Not a smile in sight


I turned and turned
All the pages I never set on fire
And there was nothing
That could be found of smiles or desire

So much has changed since then
I will fill in what's missing
With a brand new pen

So instead of sending
the unwelcome visitor away
I offered the ghost a hug
Whispered softly..
Don't worry it is now okay.

Come Out and Dance

11-27-10



I met happiness
In a quiet
but not so still afternoon
When the sun was warm
But not blinding
And a breeze came waltzing in
Through the open window
And wrapped itself around me
For a moment
 then left…
not a permanent goodbye
But a teasing “so-long”
Sort of daring me to come along

I saw happiness
When I looked out with a smile
To see the branches waving a welcome hello
The dawn of a bright autumn capturing my attention
My eyes were glad to be held in its custody
Never has a prisoner felt so free.
 The air was kind enough to remind me
that I was lucky to breathe
 and should  breathe in slowly
and as often and deeply as I can

I felt happiness
When again the breeze came
For a while playfully whirling
Until for no more than a split second,
 Touching my bare shoulders
 much like a first love touches a heart
 No matter how fleeting,
 still long enough to give an unforgettable impression
Leaving its memory like a beauty mark
 that will always remain on my skin

I knew happiness
When I awoke, well rested, to a cloudless sky
And I was embraced with what I always needed
But never before considered necessary
Until that moment
that I learned about rhythm
And I wanted more
when I realized life wanted me
To come out and dance.

Life wanted me…
And I wanted life

The Stream

1-24-11


So silent in her wanting
With a voice like a prayer
Hoping to be heard
 by only those who care
Needing to be touched by
 More than the cool night’s air
but to be caressed in similar ways
Though not usually one for silly wishes
Have you ever met a breeze that stays?

…yet somehow deep inside somewhere
There’s a spot reserved for dreams
A part that never broke away
Stayed wading in the streams
In a place where
pretty things forever stay
And only beauty is
 welcome to play
You can find her there
After a sad day
With drops of water in her palms
A calm remedy for raging tears
This is where she is herself
She’s been coming here for years

So close to home, that she feels it is
 So many miles from her fears
She knows this place so well
This is where she runs to
When she runs away from hell

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Until The Ocean Steals My Smile

I’m not here
 to place my doubts on every sailing cloud
or figure out how
 to turn the volume of my life up real loud
my vision has never been good for distance
And sometimes love’s too far to hold my hand
still I can find happiness in simplicity
often just by drawing smiles in the sand
maybe they won’t stay forever
I know I can say for sure that I won’t
Where will I go?
That may not be
 for me to know
at least not right now...

So I think I’ll just sit and breathe
Until the ocean’s salty sorrow
 steals my smile
and then I’ll draw another for each new day
each time a bit further
and further away
for as long as the shore
 will let me stay

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Shenanigans

I want to smoke pot
And find things funny
Maybe play some hopscotch
With the easter bunny
Love things untagged
And burn up all my money
Before it torches my pockets

I want to run
But not away
Spill some pink
Over charcoal grey
Knock on the night’s door
And ask it to play
While we’re both still young

Feel something
That will feel me back
Find the depth
Without the black
Feed my soul
Until it doesn’t lack
And stop the maddening hunger

Take some words
And make them rhyme
Punch the clock
Until the death of time
Get my tongue acquainted
With a beverage and a lime
where wrong and right dance together

Am I There Yet?
No?
How about now?

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Curse

So I ask
Dear poet
What draws you to the sea?
When waves fervently kiss the wind
Do you hear colliding poetry?
All those words your fingers caressed
With hopes that your soul
Would reach out
And leak onto the world

You left in the night
To dive into
 the unknown light
How many before
And so many after
Have done the same?

So I ask
Though I think I know
It draws me too…
Perhaps in the same way
as it does you
why do I want to understand?
So that fate
doesn't grab and pull my hand?
When the dusk dips
And the night swirls
Into a sad melody
That stirs the syllables
Within my heart
And no metaphor can be
Rocked slow to sleep.
All stars start shooting
And the mad midnight
Begins brewing
There’s nothing still
To hold
No calm to float on

So I ask:
Did you feel the curses
Of crashing verses?
Did you sleepwalk in slippers
only to awaken, 
to your own cries,
so shaken
out of the depths of a nightmare
to a place
Where boldness meets fear?
Is there a map
That will take me far away from there?
To where I may overcome 
that overwhelming intensity?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Inside

Inside

Inside 
an oven closed
Baked emotions
Burned by the lack of attention
It didn’t want anyway
Now all that's left
is the taste of grey 
and the smoky odor of what the fire left
The fire
That was never dealt with
They've come to make sense
Of the ashes
But breath can not exist here
And nothing familiar
Is there to be recognized

There is nothing fancy
Floating within the cloudy room
Just smoldered dreams
On the glitter-free, 
now sparkless earth
No valuable remnants
To find the sky
And show their worth


A buried heart
Can not grow
And the one who owned it
Only wanted to give it away
Or trade it for freedom
But the heat was too much
untouchable
and it became ashes scattered
Before it met the air
It died
Without ever having lived


It’s all gone
Or is it?
Is it possible for what never was
To be gone or go?
I’d like to think so