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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Missing You

I have been visiting days
specifically those
 that knew you quite well
asking them to share a memory or two

I have been touching walls
that you've spoken to
when I was too busy to listen
hoping to feel 
leftover vibrations of your voice

I have been walking in reverse
tracing the steps back to
the moment when you lost your life
wishfully thinking I could find it 
and give it back to you

I have been painting the words
"I love you always"
mixing my bleeding heart
with the bluest days
because purple was your favorite color

I have been cursing
 time's impatience
it knew you were always getting lost
 and arriving fashionably late
yet it selfishly refused to wait...

I guess that must be 
why these hours are so lonely
they really missed out on something
 so incredibly beautiful
and indescribably great

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Opening The Book

I hold within my palms
ashamed tears
proud smiles
desperate prayers
deep steady breaths
 rushing through
 a tunneled fist of night
determined to heal
 the frost's harsh bite

Hopeful fingers cross
Constant cowering
Unavoidable loss
bouncing assiduously off the walls
like a hell-bent racket
fighting stubborn tennis balls

nervously nibbling nails
leaping spits of bravery
no longer victims of slavery

forgotten gratitude
swallowed hunger
soul screaming
like echoes of fired shots
when life roughly
combs through the knots

I show them
like corridors filled
with judgments old and new
 hung by shaky hands
for crooked eyes to view

I leave them open and free
like pastures of expressions
explorers have claimed
and named
while piercing their flags
straight through my heart

all that has grown within me
I now lay it all down
for a thousand sights to soil
for love to nurture
for hatred to boil
for thieves to take
for neglect to rot

I toss my book on the table
the pages are always flipping
even when my mind is not

Monday, March 25, 2013

Finding A Place To Get Lost

The stomping rain
demanding the rivers to rise
and then bow to the clouds
the royal blue now gone
gray has seized the throne

the root of an
 unrelenting rose
unfazed by heaven's threats
to wipe its memory clean

a brave leaf
too grown up
to be carried
 on summer's hip
leaves its home
to become a conductor
after witnessing
the wind's reorchestration
 of life's symphony

A sad girl
could become happily lost
among such bittersweet beauty
and find a place
 to lose her tears

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Just A Thought

you are just a thought
a glimpse of a bending road
where tentative steps meet the beginning
like a pool's temperature
tiptoes consider
before diving in

A hint of your life's fragrance
like spring's sweet pea
breezing over the thankful grass
and following the motion of a wavy dream
all the way to a lonely December night
waking sensitivity's hibernation
hoping to discover and somehow
 rouse a sleeping smile
with a gentle kiss
 for the shyest part of the face
where tender skin
hides behind a pouted lip

I've given you a name
just to bring you a little
 closer than a hope
a little nearer than a whisper

Perhaps together we could
play this life's triumphs and tragedies
with lively fingers
 gliding over a piano's keys
from eager beginning
to clinging end
only pausing to take note
of a song carried
 on a bird's early flight

For now,
you are still just a thought
a most important one

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Eviction Notice

Tonight I would prefer
 to not harbor my pain.
The earth has soaked up
the last of the meteor's rain
and the air is requesting to come inside.

Beneath a wonder
that juggles more
than my mind’s ability to conceive,
I no longer can stand to grieve
So I ask
 if it would care for my sorrow,
give my troubles a new home
if I evict my tears
to leave my heart open 
A spacious place
for lighter things to occupy

emotions swimming,
always swimming
against the current;
I think it's time they fly.
A change of pace  
leave the salty water 
for the candy coated sky.

So tired of the aching
it's likely just as tired of me
so how about
we set each other's weariness free

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Love Without Understanding

Love has enough life
breathed into it
to outlive us all
still, some kill their days
 trying to catch up to its infinite age
only to die sore and tired

some spend their long moments alone,
 in frozen fear of something so immortal
never finding the worthiness
 to embrace the heat

others stretch their minds
attempting to wrap themselves
completely around its obese complexity
until their thoughts
 no longer fit their own destiny

Then there are those that see it as a recipe
a strict list of ingredients to set out on the table
when the cravings call to have it over for supper

I want to throw in spices on a whim
never bake at the same temperature
and cook  again and again
even though it may sometimes burn

I don't want to race to chase its years
and lose track of my own time

I don't believe that it's so heavenly blue
 that its light
 will turn my earthly,
 green life to dust

I don't want to find it
loudly sparking up the sky.
In the quiet hours beside me
is when I hear it best

I don't want to figure out
what it's all about,
how it was made,
 or what it's made of...

Recognizing its touch
 is more than enough
to know it was made for me

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Slipping on Spilled Time

In a world where
my subconscious
is still figuring you out;
still yet to stumble on the road
my open eyes have seen.

My mind drifts into a hazy night.
I attach the swirling wind
like wheels,
to your memory
but the engine has stalled in my chest
and refuses to let you go.

I’ve released my desires
when I discovered them
clinging to dandelions.
I threw my last two cents
into an obscure well
that dwelled so strangely,
deep and dark beneath a land
that hope surrounds.
But how can I rid my dreams
of your haunting stride?

If only I could find the soil
where I buried my pride
and dig up each treasure
saved for a faraway decade;
Treasures that turned out to be
 I’ve been starving without
 each day along the way.

Perhaps I could drink
Some witch’s poisoned brew,
But that would surely
Slip my thoughts even further back
To the precious time I spilled with you.

I guess I’ll just have to let
My dreams find a way
To finally understand
I let go
a long time ago
I let go
of  yesterday's fickle love
and the past's cold hand

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

If I Were To Lose You

If I were to lose you
mountains would not crumble
roofs would not cave
because I would be in space
the darkest part
so far from earth
pleading to be shot by a star
into oblivion
out of my misery.
Undiscovered by launched shuttles
reaching up their hope to lift mystery's veil.
Ignored by orbiting planets
as they fraternize
with the sun.
nothing would revolve around me
nothing would even know to care
too far to be visible
to an intrigued stare

If I were to lose you
it would just be the darkness
and my despair.

I would die
so terribly young,
outlived by an old fear.

Monday, March 11, 2013


I can almost hear it
not quite knocking
with a contemplating hand
a breath away from my door
it knows where I am
and when I will be no more

It makes just enough sound
to bring an audible fright
and then it slips away
as I quickly steal back the covers
from the remiss night

I've decided not to be terrified
of its teasing
I just allow it to be a reminder
that there are days still left
 to be seizing.

Not Guilty

My lover is not a thief
he never stole my heart;
it is still where it has always been
of that I'm certain,
or I would not feel its beating.
He warmed my life with his breath
when he whispered
spring butterflies into my ears
and my heart chased them
 all the way to June.

My lover is not guilty
he never took my love;
he lit it with his summer hands
when they touched
 the willow's shadow
on my skin,
and banished the sad shape
 before it had the chance
 to reach down
and tattoo me with its tears.

My lover is not a marauder
he never invaded my soul
he walked up toward the fence
that protected the garden
of my blossoming dreams,
 carrying fresh water 
and some extra seeds
and asked, most earnestly if he could help

My lover never committed a crime
He committed his love to mine

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

For Megan

 A poem for my youngest sister

I was lost somewhere between 7 and 8
You, were a bundle of silly,
 spoiled and small
 I was tall
Though not quite reaching the height
to where I could appreciate you

I could count the quarters
 I found between the cushions
yet when it came to your value
It would be years
until I could do that kind of math
And now the equation all makes sense…

Two dimes, a nickel and a penny later
I’m no longer looking for change.
I’m turning to the one that remains
 beside my shoulder.
On cracked cement,
On sand and rocks
Through waves.
Through each year like a breath
That can’t be held for too long

 I proudly watch your wisdom age
though I secretly hope a small part of you
will stay young enough.
Young enough to sometimes need me.
Young enough to always learn.
Young enough to grow older.

Where joy meets a prayer,
my eyes recognize you there.
You, 3rd of 3
Half like one and half like two
Or that’s how I often saw you
Now in the very center of your soul
I see a spark all your own
That only your fingerprints can ignite

In time you’ll leave a blazing path
That will knock the wind out of heaven
And shock the rain too hard to fall
And I’ll be there
with a smile and a tear
Bragging to the stars that I know you.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Feeling Your Way Out

In the quiet
Lives a rage so loud
And so strong
It can not be chased
Or captured by sound

In the core of the boundless mind
Where gravity does not exist
For thought

Where sleep is a risky cure
and not a drug easily acquired
Or worth the danger of nightmares
Come to arrest your mind
For attempted escape

When night
 is an everyday thing
and your only chance for sight
is feeling
and so you feel everything…

You feel everything
until your senses explode
And burst open the door for light
Your body, still shaking,
Follows the warmth

Finally the sun
shows you all that you've missed
and you spend the rest of your life
discovering each moment
 brightness touches.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Deep Breaths Away

Sometimes life is as it should be
but even when it's not
it's only a few deep breaths away
from okay

So take your troubles
sweep them up
celebrate with some happiness
in your cup

Know that even when Life
 isn't always faithful
Love is there
it hasn't changed its heart
 or its hair

Shallow Lips

I hear the word
Forced like December’s wind
Through shallow lips
And then I watch it bounce
Like a sport
off of the one being played

some could go on and on forever
with this charade

always pouring into their lives
without ever taking a sip
sitting on the corner
of an empty smile

and they’ll go on and on,
forever homeless
forever unknowing
 the pleasure of offering shelter.

They think it could be.
They think perhaps not.
The uncertainty
 will blind the rest of their days
Like a branchless late morning path
While they avoid truth’s eyes

And they’ll go on and on
Forever sightless
Forever unseen

They will never hear the sound
Of applauding rain
Cheering proudly on midnight’s roof
While shadows quietly rhyme
Against seclusion’s walls
They will never feel thunder
Try to mimic their hearts

And they’ll go on and on
Forever deaf
Forever unheard

They will never find
Time’s forgotten tokens
because they won't be searching.
They all fell asleep
beneath a half moon.

And they’ll go on and on,
Forever unfeeling,
Forever untouched.

No truth.
No love.
Just shallow lips
forever unkissed.