17

The numbers stand in front of me
more steady
more confident than I
They stare me down.


7 days in a week
and 1 took you away
sum that up to fate
I never found the answer
and now it's too late

1 + 7=8


The numbers stare
and I look away
knowing they have a quicker draw
they could shoot me to death
before I could even hold my breath


summer warm and strong
 held your hand
and together
you strolled far too long
your heart reached the place
 where the mind goes to pray
close to where the sun meets the fall
and you found the secret
you realized you could fly above it all



Please come and visit me sometime
I've kept the runway clear
in case you ever miss the land.
it would make my life
just to see you here.
Time without your smile
has been so damn hard to stand.

How Many

How many words
for pain
can a heart's thesaurus contain?
How many leaps,
How many desperate
 gasps of breath
 are left
before eternity
 will offer mercy
to the bereft?

How long can
silent shoes
walk through a desert so cursed
before the salt of sorrow
only worsens the thirst

How many mazes
full of tall phases
of grief
must befuddle the mind
until one can find
a golden leaf
and float away?

How many lost souls
have asked the night
if it has seen the day?
and how do they find
the strength to stay?

Who is She

Who is this girl
they see,
with happy eyes
they view
who is this person
they love
and why can't I love her, too?

Who is the one
that throws her emotion
into a pot
and walks away
while others watch the steam
rise to greet the blue
who is she
and why can't I meet her, too?

Who is this girl
they claim they know
that even on the dreariest nights
with hands so hot
carries around a glow
who is she
and why can't I know her, too?

With a closet full of talent
and complains of nothing to wear
who is she?
and why don't I believe she's here?

A Seashell's Story

There are things I could have done better
things I possibly shouldn't have done at all
but I don't regret them all together
because somewhere
through a hand woven basket of wrongs
sits you
beside my life now
and this fallen branch
helped me write my story
in the sand
and when I was done writing
an ocean of love
came rushing forward to kiss me
and while it did
it turned my story into a seashell
and the wind said:
carry it
place it close to your ear
when you need a reminder
but follow me
because you will have more
there will be more
seashells to gather
you're not done
but when you are
we'll sink them back into the ocean
deep and far
and some diver will find them
and know that you have lived.

Playground Bullies

They lay the bricks,
a stack of tough,
unbreakable things
cemented together;
the color of bloated cheeks
fighting anger's force

They cut my trees
and did not care
because they thought
them old and bare

They shook off
their remaining leaves
like playground bullies
and now I have nothing
to whisper truth to me

They chopped the branches
that used to point toward
the direction of the breeze
when I would ask which way it went.
They chopped them down
because they were loose and lowly bent

And now when it rains
I stay inside.

The strong roof
and brick so tough
ward off a wailing cloud,
but I miss the tears;
it hurts more not to cry.
it hurts so loud.

Those trees would always
ask me to say when
when I've had enough
and listen when I did

And now my broken voice
speaks to nothing

The listening
has been removed
and replaced
with rows of deafness

Sure the tall, mighty
structures will intimidate
outer danger,
but they do not live
and they do not care.

And so I am left
shelterless
unprotected
without even
a stump of hope
to spare.

Somewhere

It starts off with love
the kind
 that a turtle's shell is made of
and then we come to a fork
you take this one
and I take that
but between your road and mine
our arms stretch
just to be sure the other's fine

it ends with you leaving
for the sky?
 the clouds?
 heaven?
For something new.
And me staying,
Standing frozen
on a summer sidewalk
wondering:

Why?
How?
Is this real?

Dishonesty
Denial
they leap
a short distance between my lips and ears

No.
No.
No!
It never happened.

But the story in the middle
is the one that fills the pie

fighting, yelling
all with love behind it
crazy love
never losing love
we'd slip it into our back pockets
to free our spirit's hands
 for a fiery battle
of the hearts
and then we'd put it
right back where it belonged
right back where it always was
and always will be

All those times I spoke of
things being unfair
Stupid me.
I never knew what that meant
until the moment you were no longer here.
In nearly three months
it will be a year,

365 miles of unfair.

I miss you.
I miss you being you.
I miss your weekend call
to ask me if I'm coming over.
I miss you cooking dinner a little earlier
so I could have some before I leave.
I miss the compassion in your eyes.
I miss the things we didn't have in common
and how sometimes they'd make my temper fly.

I miss it all
So much.

I'd settle for a minute back
and I think of how many words
I could fit into that minute...
How many jokes to hear you laugh?
Should I take some time to prepare?

Where do I send that request?
To the sky?
to the clouds?
to heaven?

Where do I focus my sight
so you could see
the calling in my eyes?
so I could find
the reply in yours?
Where?

You aren't here
but I know you're somewhere

Heavy

These heavy eyes
These weighty nights
feeling pulled down
but still crawling away
from sobriety

I gave up wanting
but need still clings to my chest
fade away
I need to slip out quietly
and fade away

to be that moon so pale
and so far
behind the rising sun
to be that morning moon
sneaking out of mind

I wonder if that moon
ever feels the urge to give the sun
all the blazing glory
with no plans to come back around
and reclaim its half

I wonder if that moon
hesitates before it opens the door
to sit at home with the evening.
If every night it considers
tossing the keys to Venus
and asking her
to take its seat in the sky

That moon must know
why I can't say goodbye

The weight of the world
would only feel heavier
if it were to cry
and some things
are too precious to put down

Fall

Fall beside me
from the clouds to the earth
and back again.
Like rain
that my hands
want to offer a home to.

Fall on to me
and become
a part of my lashes
my lips, my hair.
Like rain
that my eyes
want to close to.

Fall through me
and leave a dash of your soul
just a pinch of all that you know
leave something within me.
Like rain
that petals reach for.

Fall beneath me
and be the place
I'll come to rest.
Like rain
dry roots have craved.

Just fall
and I'll be still and waiting
until it's time to move with you.
Like rain
the wind rushes after
to twirl and dip in a stormy dance.

Fall
while I rise
so we could meet
somewhere near
gravity's kiss.

Fall
and be the rain
the kneeling earth
has prayed for.


Fall
and drop an answer
and be the cause of the pond's ripple
that turned a frown's reflection
into a smile.

Fall over my heart's concern
and wash away
all the sprouting weeds of worry

In Store

This grocery list
of things I meant to get
left on the kitchen counter
when I walked out the door

All the things
 I ran out of
and ran out on
I planned to pick up
and put back
 in my world someday
but does it always work out that way?

My heart
is still a cold fridge
filled with emptiness
One day
I hope to stock it up
with all the things I miss

Like summer rain
poured over a slow kiss
making love
and killing pain
and all those words I meant to say
while love was busy
stealing my thoughts away

Hemorrhage

Despair has left me drifting
alone,
through a timeless time

Emotion has plucked
the couplet's rhyme

Survival's scab
ripped off,

and now poetry bleeds
where it once kicked
like life inside a womb.

And now all this is
is an empty tomb.

Thank You

Thank you

To each set of eyes
that read each teary drop of ink
and cried

to each set of arms
that opened
to reveal their pride

to each set of lips
through which sweet words
have often come

to each set of hands
 that squeezed
a bit tighter
 just before I could think to leave

For all the sorrow
 that sinks
 in all the moments
I have grieved
there have been times
that I've shared with you
that have now become
my stepping stones

So because of you
I will always
make it over
when I can't make it through
and just so it is said:

I thank you.

Silent Shine

Sometimes a blank paper
can crumple the thunder
and laugh at its movie scream
cause there's nothing scarier
than the lines no one can read

verbose pages
only chatter
fancy half  truths
the brightest dress
covers up
the saddest mess

But when the writer
writes in white
their soul is battling
the darkest night

It's the knock unheard
when tired feet fail
to make it to the door.
When the heart
those feet have taken so far,
has collapsed outside,
beneath a moon without language,
only a silent shine
that can't tell you
where to find the lost

Call off the search
and look away.
Don't you worry
Somehow
I've made it through
another night
and now I plan to drive
like I stole today.