long Distance

Will this winter finally numb the pain?

I've drowned my secrets in summer's seashells again.

I miss blue so much
 I've become it.
It's taken over me
like a tornado's latest possession,
and left me pale,
in a place I don't recognize.

Am I the lost or the loser?

I wonder if I've written this before

I don't know anymore,
I just know there was a time
 I lived with a smile.

Lately I live alone.

And I'm reaching out
Calling long distance for laughter.

I love you is bouncing back and forth
From earth to space.
I'm telling the midnight sky
How much I miss your early morning face.

I hope those satellites aren't disturbing your peace.
But I want you to hear me now...

I don't believe you did before.
There's so much I don't believe anymore.

I want to believe again.

I'm tired of holding up boulders.
I prefer to carry youth on my shoulders,
So maybe it will see the world,
And tell me how to fix it.
Or perhaps it will laugh,
And say nothing is broken...

Just a fun mess.

I'll remember you young
And be troubled less.

I'll try.

Answers

Sometimes just before I leave
the darkness for a dream,
I get that falling sensation,
Then jolt up,
  realize
I'm on a soft bed,
And not saying farewell
With anxious weekend toes
on a narrow ledge
With no room for dancing.

I spend a lot of hours alone,
 on the edge of a mountain,
Tossing what-ifs off a cliff --
Listening to their echoes as they hit rock bottom
Forgetting I'm above them all.

That kind of spending should probably have left me broke, broken,
 and dead by now;

I realize the reason it hasn't
Is because you've gifted me some of your time.

As you sit across from me today,
And I look away from "away"...
Away from the blizzard of questions
To reach the warm hope
Springing from your smiling eyes --
In that moment I feel like an answer...

Maybe not for one of mine, but maybe yours.
And maybe that's enough,
 because it feels like everything.
It feels like May's pink and white trees have showered petals over me.

It feels like beginning.
It feels like maybe...
And maybe is damn better
Than all the never I've always known.

It's possible we are all really answers
Just waiting to recognize our reflections
In the pools of questioning eyes.