Grieving in Reverse

They say you're in a pretty place,
Splashing up some sun-showers.
Lost smiles find your sweet face;

Give them a kiss hello,
and then hurry back.

They say I'll see you again;
They say a lot of things.
They all mean well,
but the one thing their lips won't tell
is what is most true:

Year after year
I'm switching to a calendar
Full of days you cannot cross.

New seconds won't know you;
And time
now feels like
A stranger to me.


I'm hesitant to tell you how I've been...

In the beginning,
shock slammed the awful
into a stone wall
but now, more than ever,
I hear the silence call.

Now, more than ever,
there are too many thin lines.

Boxing matches
dancing a heavy weight on my mind.

Words slipping through--
they can't be coming from me.

Tears running,
 while I stand here blue;
 they jog toward a memory of you.

There are no driving instructions
for grieving in reverse;

The days get lonelier.
Most nights feel like a reigning curse.

Fuck pretending!
Fuck strength!


I feel worse.

False Hope

I hear the birds sing
An April song
As they watch white mountains
on the gardens
Slowly become
 powdered sugar-coated pancakes

I open my eyes
And spring toward the window

And then I remember...

It's January.

And once again
I'm frozen.

Twilight

I don't want to be just another
Word clinging to the line
on a turning page;

I'd like to be the bigger picture
Hanging about around the hall,
Hoping to catch you strolling through.
Witnessing our time gracefully age.

So I paint my gypsy days
Beside your loyal nights;

Maybe you'll eventually
Brush up against me,
And our lives will
Rub off on each other.

Blending.
Beautifully.

All This Ocean

I cry
just a little every day
For all that has vanished
Out of my life
And into death

Though, it's important
That this be explained:

My tears are not complaints;
For on them sails a ship
Of gratitude;

A ship that would
Be nothing
but rust
And  shame
With a faded name
If it weren't for all
This ocean
 that waves
to your eclipse.

This grief is no anchor;
It's a northern glow--
A stamp on the upper
Right corner of the sky.

When I mail
My RSVP
To your memory's sweet invitation,
On the strength of the wind
This pain will fly.

Everything

It seems for as long as I’ve been—

Heavenly dreams have

Curled up beside me

And slowly rocked my mind
While I fell
Into the depths of a mystery

Even when darkness was my bed

And I didn’t know who else

I could whisper to…

Besides the sky

That could very well
Just be a stone on a mood ring

Besides the lightning and the rain
Before the thunder barges in

And the introverted moon

Mostly quiet in the conversation

Waiting for its turn
to shed some light on things

And the strongest trees--

holding the swing

As life

 Bends and kicks its legs:

Back and forth
Through the highs and lows

And I can't stop it
By dragging my playground shoes
Against the dirt

Everything will change

Everything will fall

and in a dark moment
will pause

Just before the wind
Lifts it like a child
Back to the sky...

At least once
If not every day

It's the contrast that sharpens the clarity

 I believe this is what

I've come here to learn
Over, and over again.