They say you're in a pretty place,
Splashing up some sun-showers.
Lost smiles find your sweet face;
Give them a kiss hello,
and then hurry back.
They say I'll see you again;
They say a lot of things.
They all mean well,
but the one thing their lips won't tell
is what is most true:
Year after year
I'm switching to a calendar
Full of days you cannot cross.
New seconds won't know you;
And time
now feels like
A stranger to me.
I'm hesitant to tell you how I've been...
In the beginning,
shock slammed the awful
into a stone wall
but now, more than ever,
I hear the silence call.
Now, more than ever,
there are too many thin lines.
Boxing matches
dancing a heavy weight on my mind.
Words slipping through--
they can't be coming from me.
Tears running,
while I stand here blue;
they jog toward a memory of you.
There are no driving instructions
for grieving in reverse;
The days get lonelier.
Most nights feel like a reigning curse.
Fuck pretending!
Fuck strength!
I feel worse.
There is giving up and throwing in the towel, and there is this...
ReplyDeleteI perceive this to be far more damaging, in the long run, but for the moment, it makes all the sense in the world.
Grieving is such a shitty, painful process. The muck just gets deeper and deeper, and it can feel like it will suck you in and make it impossible to ever pull out of it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you--fuck pretending and strength. They have no place here. The best I can tell you is to just keep going. Grief lies. The stuff it whispers and screams are all lies.
I love you.
I love this. I'm having trouble finding words to say how and why, so I will just say I love this.
ReplyDelete