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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Grieving in Reverse

They say you're in a pretty place,
Splashing up some sun-showers.
Lost smiles find your sweet face;

Give them a kiss hello,
and then hurry back.

They say I'll see you again;
They say a lot of things.
They all mean well,
but the one thing their lips won't tell
is what is most true:

Year after year
I'm switching to a calendar
Full of days you cannot cross.

New seconds won't know you;
And time
now feels like
A stranger to me.

I'm hesitant to tell you how I've been...

In the beginning,
shock slammed the awful
into a stone wall
but now, more than ever,
I hear the silence call.

Now, more than ever,
there are too many thin lines.

Boxing matches
dancing a heavy weight on my mind.

Words slipping through--
they can't be coming from me.

Tears running,
 while I stand here blue;
 they jog toward a memory of you.

There are no driving instructions
for grieving in reverse;

The days get lonelier.
Most nights feel like a reigning curse.

Fuck pretending!
Fuck strength!

I feel worse.


  1. There is giving up and throwing in the towel, and there is this...
    I perceive this to be far more damaging, in the long run, but for the moment, it makes all the sense in the world.

  2. Grieving is such a shitty, painful process. The muck just gets deeper and deeper, and it can feel like it will suck you in and make it impossible to ever pull out of it.

    I agree with you--fuck pretending and strength. They have no place here. The best I can tell you is to just keep going. Grief lies. The stuff it whispers and screams are all lies.

    I love you.

  3. I think I am there with you in the need to fuck pretending--it does not good--such a powerful write

  4. I love this. I'm having trouble finding words to say how and why, so I will just say I love this.

  5. I'm a little teary eyed. So raw and so real! I have to agree, fuck pretending and fuck strength!


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