The Stains of Longing

 4-10-10


She sat there on the porch, silent
No shimmer in her sleepless eyes
Just as plain as a white t-shirt
Wanting the rain to come down
To wash away the stains of longing

So envious of the moon
how the stars
they all seemed to swoon
and surround the night with love
she wished on them all
for a voice as strong as the wind
Just a little more courage
To do more than just pretend
To be crowded with life
And for the loneliness to end
Waiting…
for a little sunlight to befriend

Perhaps it was all her fault
Pushing away chances
Instead of clouds
Until her eyes became a faded blue
Blending with the grey
Remaining speechless
Though there was much to say

Overpowered by thunder
Her heart’s telling
Could vaguely be heard
And so she misinterpreted
Every single word

If only she could spend a day
Without the night
Lost in her own darkness
Determined to find the way
To make it all right

What If

5-28-10


Too much time to think
And not enough time to be
So many hours wasted
Trying to run away from me
So how with all that moving
and with all that leaving
Am I left here standing
Still
 In front of this mirror?
And which reflection is true?
Is it this?
Confusion
 surrounded by many shades of blue?
or the one your eyes show
When the sparkles in them dance
and show me all that I could do?
What if it is neither
And I am not worthy to be in the midst of your view?

What if all this mind wandering
 and these floating thoughts
Will forever carry on,
 until the time I cease to exist
Preventing my footprints
 from ever showing on the sand
What if I can never open my heart
or unclench my fist
Or if my appearance is nothing more than
a Lipstick mark, wiped away
 from the many cheeks that I have kissed
Never to be seen or felt again…
when the world is still here and I am gone.
These are the thoughts
That seem to always linger on

Not Quite Gone and Not Quite Here

10-25-10

Just another thirsty moment
Without a drink in reach
I once felt greatness within
Yet never unleashed
The beat was kept encaged
Beneath a solid, quiet layer
Relentlessly muting a thunderous heart
Until it lost all its rage
And fell apart
Into many shattered pieces
that will never become art
Swept up and thrown away

Blue eyes that only see gray
Searching for a sun that stopped glowing
Around the time
this body stopped growing
I fear I’ll never shine
As I once did in my youth
Before I lost all imagination
And found the truth

  Can’t shake this dread
That once the memory fully fades
The ocean will lose its waves
And these feet will be left standing
Stranded and dry in the sand
Stuck between not quite gone
 and not quite here
Motionless as the winter shore
A dreamer without slumber
Surrendering to the nevermore

Unwelcome Visitor

Last night I was visited by memories
thought to be long forgotten
Of rivers cried
And love gone rotten


I turned wet pages
Some were torn
From horrific rages

I traced my finger
Over every word and somber verse
A past that belonged to someone else
Yet follows behind me like a curse

Back then my pen was strong
Though my voice was weak
So I wrote
But I would not speak

This dusty book
From so long ago
Now seems written
By a soul I do not know
And hope to never know again

Yet sometimes on quiet nights
This stranger visits me now and then
I do not welcome
this gloomy visitor's company
but out my window the shaky branches
appear to beckon me
I opened the window just a crack
And in with the wind
All that sorrow came breezing back

Ghosts of the past
trapped in present time
A tear drop
Between every rhyme
Not a smile in sight


I turned and turned
All the pages I never set on fire
And there was nothing
That could be found of smiles or desire

So much has changed since then
I will fill in what's missing
With a brand new pen

So instead of sending
the unwelcome visitor away
I offered the ghost a hug
Whispered softly..
Don't worry it is now okay.

Come Out and Dance

11-27-10



I met happiness
In a quiet
but not so still afternoon
When the sun was warm
But not blinding
And a breeze came waltzing in
Through the open window
And wrapped itself around me
For a moment
 then left…
not a permanent goodbye
But a teasing “so-long”
Sort of daring me to come along

I saw happiness
When I looked out with a smile
To see the branches waving a welcome hello
The dawn of a bright autumn capturing my attention
My eyes were glad to be held in its custody
Never has a prisoner felt so free.
 The air was kind enough to remind me
that I was lucky to breathe
 and should  breathe in slowly
and as often and deeply as I can

I felt happiness
When again the breeze came
For a while playfully whirling
Until for no more than a split second,
 Touching my bare shoulders
 much like a first love touches a heart
 No matter how fleeting,
 still long enough to give an unforgettable impression
Leaving its memory like a beauty mark
 that will always remain on my skin

I knew happiness
When I awoke, well rested, to a cloudless sky
And I was embraced with what I always needed
But never before considered necessary
Until that moment
that I learned about rhythm
And I wanted more
when I realized life wanted me
To come out and dance.

Life wanted me…
And I wanted life

The Stream

1-24-11


So silent in her wanting
With a voice like a prayer
Hoping to be heard
 by only those who care
Needing to be touched by
 More than the cool night’s air
but to be caressed in similar ways
Though not usually one for silly wishes
Have you ever met a breeze that stays?

…yet somehow deep inside somewhere
There’s a spot reserved for dreams
A part that never broke away
Stayed wading in the streams
In a place where
pretty things forever stay
And only beauty is
 welcome to play
You can find her there
After a sad day
With drops of water in her palms
A calm remedy for raging tears
This is where she is herself
She’s been coming here for years

So close to home, that she feels it is
 So many miles from her fears
She knows this place so well
This is where she runs to
When she runs away from hell

Until The Ocean Steals My Smile

I’m not here

 to place my doubts on every sailing cloud

or figure out how

 to turn the volume of my life up real loud

my vision has never been good for distance

And sometimes love’s too far to hold my hand

still I can find happiness in simplicity

often just by drawing smiles in the sand

maybe they won’t stay forever

I know I can say for sure that I won’t

Where will I go?

That may not be

 for me to know

at least not right now...

So I think I’ll just sit and breathe

Until the ocean’s salty sorrow

 steals my smile

and then I’ll draw another for each new day

each time a bit further

and further away

for as long as the shore

 will let me stay

Shenanigans

I want to smoke pot

And find things funny

Maybe play some hopscotch

With the easter bunny

Love things untagged

And burn up all my money

Before it torches my pockets

I want to run

But not away

Spill some pink

Over charcoal grey

Knock on the night’s door

And ask it to play

While we’re both still young

Feel something

That will feel me back

Find the depth

Without the black

Feed my soul

Until it doesn’t lack

And stop the maddening hunger

Take some words

And make them rhyme

Punch the clock

Until the death of time

Get my tongue acquainted

With a beverage and a lime

where wrong and right dance together

Am I There Yet?

No?

How about now?