I Am Not

I am not what you see

I fall short

Of expectations

It’s not easy

To look at your eyes

And see all that you think I can be

And then fall

Short

And I’m sorry for what I’ll never be

I am sorry

Covers are my friend

I can crawl underneath them

And disappear for a while

But every now and then

I pretend I’m worthy of your smile

Those are good days

When silver traces white clouds

But then the rain storms in

And reminds me that I am not

What I could’ve been.

I can take in the world

And in my mind

Carry the vision

And its quiet beauty

But what is a vision worth

If it isn’t my very own?

And I offer no paint

 just a dry brush touching the canvas

my hands hold no place 

their only use is to hide my face

The pressure

The intense desire to be

The clouds

 pushing fast towards me

the thoughts

of giving up

then realizing I have

it’s all too much most days

I’m surrounded by brightness

Hiding forever in the shadows

so I won’t dim your eyes with my grays.

and in many ways, I am a shadow

I am not what you think you see.