As I Go On

As I go on

strolling

through days and hours

 that I’d much rather give to you

I spent 31 years unknowing

I wouldn’t have any more

With you to see me through

I close my eyes,

and fade into nights

Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair

I’d give you a watch

Filled with all of my time

But it caught me unaware

and struck me deep

 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all

I’d be more than okay with none

 I keep asking a thousand questions

And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts

Were as light as the clouds

so the wind can easily push them away

Instead, heavy and loud

There in my mind they always stay

And the more I picture your smile

The more I wish I didn’t have to go on

With just a picture everyday

I miss you

It’s all I can think, and all I can say

My Little Sister ( A poem for Amanda)

My Little Sister (A Poem For Amanda)

Although now you are grown

my little sister I will always see

Yet I don’t think there was ever

 a time you looked up to me

You were always so independent

Knew how to work the VCR when you were three

I had to watch the Breakfast Club

And White Water Summer, A thousand times a week

I was the quiet one and you

still haven’t stopped talking since you learned how to speak

You and I-We are

like day and night

Even our initials (A.M. and P.M.)

Fits us so right

But there is one thing we share

 That’s my love for you and your love for me

I’m your big sister

And you will always mean the world to me

I recall the countless times

You pissed me off and I wanted to knock you out

Then you made me feel bad

When your eyes were sad and your lips would pout

no matter how many times our characters clashed

We were there for each other when we needed to be

You know you’re my little sister

And you will always mean the world to me

As a child you

 cracked me up with your silly ways

And even sometimes you still do now

You brightened up most of my days

But good through bad- in my heart

 my love for you forever stays

No matter

how often we may disagree

I’m proud to be your big sister and

You will always mean the world to me

Spreading Ashes

A neglected candle

fallen to the ground

flames reaching desperately

to be seen and found

Destroying all that

Breezes kiss

Annihilating darkness’s cloak

With a bitter hiss

All that once breathed the sky

Is choking on the smoking hate

 Alarming love

Though sadly, it is much too late

If only this candle knew it began

 as a spark ignited by life’s shining prayer

Perhaps then it would have danced with hope

Instead of spreading ashes of despair

We need an answer

And I believe it’s beating at each chest

Until we let love in

Hate will gain more power and never need to rest

Duet

In a quiet room

 Filled with the calm of honest light

Our thoughts sang a duet over the rain

It was a few deep breaths in the night

That would heal this soul 

for infinite days to come

Risking all

the stinging, inevitable goodbyes

for the chance

to answer the what ifs and whys

for the experience of knowing

something good and extraordinarily true

So while some think us full of crazy

as they continue complicating what remains of time

by holding out for permanence

permanently pondering love in an obscure rhyme

I will hum a tune of a duet I was a part of
when harmony reigned once upon a rainy night

 I spend my hours now

with gratefulness and clarity

and I smile
at all that is beautiful and true

these things I would have never known

 if I never sang with you

BARRIERS

You shouted over
The voice in my head
My thoughts bulldozed
Trapped beneath your volume
Until the last of me was dead
And direction remained unfound
Barriers
of unwanted sound
causing a train to wreck in the night.
The sky was high but dim
and I believe I am somewhere
near that unseen light

Stumbling through a cloud of you

formed through evaporated tears

life became so weak

from the unused, passing years.

So tired left me through with trying

and anger made me wish I could.

Suffocated, panicked,
splashing sorrow.

Unable to swim across a fear

Tempted

to say goodbye to tomorrow

So much inside

needing to come out

and become someone

but the streetlights

stood like prison guards
 throughout the endless night

a permanent curfew

and from a star, hung my suspended dreams

I wonder if your voice wasn't so loud,

would my courage have heard my struggled screams?

All the dusty pieces of me

scattered on a basement floor

I couldn't be whole enough

to be anything more

So here I am,

still as I was...

too broken to break through

the barriers

and I wonder...

 If your voice wasn't so loud

would I have heard
 my own bravery

and walked towards a way out

with enough strength, and a proud heart

to silence each daunting shout?