Missing You

Lately,

I have been visiting days

specifically those

 that knew you quite well

asking them to share a memory or two

I have been touching walls

that you've spoken to

when I was too busy to listen

hoping to feel 

leftover vibrations of your voice

I have been walking in reverse

tracing the steps back to

the moment when you lost your life

wishfully thinking I could find it 

and give it back to you

I have been painting the words

"I love you always"

mixing my bleeding heart
with the bluest days

because purple was your favorite color

I have been cursing

 time's impatience

it knew you were always getting lost

 and arriving fashionably late

yet it selfishly refused to wait...

I guess that must be 

why these hours are so lonely

they really missed out on something

 so incredibly beautiful
and indescribably great

As I Go On

As I go on

strolling

through days and hours

 that I’d much rather give to you

I spent 31 years unknowing

I wouldn’t have any more

With you to see me through

I close my eyes,

and fade into nights

Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair

I’d give you a watch

Filled with all of my time

But it caught me unaware

and struck me deep

 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all

I’d be more than okay with none

 I keep asking a thousand questions

And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts

Were as light as the clouds

so the wind can easily push them away

Instead, heavy and loud

There in my mind they always stay

And the more I picture your smile

The more I wish I didn’t have to go on

With just a picture everyday

I miss you

It’s all I can think, and all I can say

Inside

Inside

Inside 

an oven closed

Baked emotions

Burned by the lack of attention

It didn’t want anyway

Now all that's left

is the taste of grey 

and the smoky odor of what the fire left

The fire

That was never dealt with

They've come to make sense

Of the ashes

But breath can not exist here

And nothing familiar

Is there to be recognized

There is nothing fancy

Floating within the cloudy room

Just smoldered dreams

On the glitter-free, 

now sparkless earth

No valuable remnants

To find the sky

And show their worth

A buried heart

Can not grow

And the one who owned it

Only wanted to give it away

Or trade it for freedom

But the heat was too much
untouchable

and it became ashes scattered

Before it met the air

It died

Without ever having lived

It’s all gone

Or is it?

Is it possible for what never was

To be gone or go?

I’d like to think so