Missing You

Lately,

I have been visiting days

specifically those

 that knew you quite well

asking them to share a memory or two

I have been touching walls

that you've spoken to

when I was too busy to listen

hoping to feel 

leftover vibrations of your voice

I have been walking in reverse

tracing the steps back to

the moment when you lost your life

wishfully thinking I could find it 

and give it back to you

I have been painting the words

"I love you always"

mixing my bleeding heart
with the bluest days

because purple was your favorite color

I have been cursing

 time's impatience

it knew you were always getting lost

 and arriving fashionably late

yet it selfishly refused to wait...

I guess that must be 

why these hours are so lonely

they really missed out on something

 so incredibly beautiful
and indescribably great

My Heaven

There is a place nearby

Where the longing

For the some things

And some ones are kept

For all that I can feel

 but no longer touch

It has no streams

It has no trees

dressed in green, gold or red

it has no cliffs

to sit on the edge

 and contemplate what ifs

It carries no clouds,

and no planes or birds

freely fly through

it holds no life,

just a memory of life that once was

It’s not the same as what I want

It’s what I presently have

There is a faraway place existing

Where I don’t yet exist

Where those some things

And some ones now live

Where butterflies

 frequently flutter

 as indigo happily swirls itself

 across a summer sky

It is swarming with eager smiles

Familiar, kind eyes

and open, fervent arms

It’s nourished through creation

Always bursting with fresh art

It holds life

A life that is now

It’s the same as what I want

And all I am yet to have again

My Heaven is when and where

these two places collide

Where the empty is filled

And when the lost is found

As I Go On

As I go on

strolling

through days and hours

 that I’d much rather give to you

I spent 31 years unknowing

I wouldn’t have any more

With you to see me through

I close my eyes,

and fade into nights

Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair

I’d give you a watch

Filled with all of my time

But it caught me unaware

and struck me deep

 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all

I’d be more than okay with none

 I keep asking a thousand questions

And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts

Were as light as the clouds

so the wind can easily push them away

Instead, heavy and loud

There in my mind they always stay

And the more I picture your smile

The more I wish I didn’t have to go on

With just a picture everyday

I miss you

It’s all I can think, and all I can say