Missing You

Lately,

I have been visiting days

specifically those

 that knew you quite well

asking them to share a memory or two

I have been touching walls

that you've spoken to

when I was too busy to listen

hoping to feel 

leftover vibrations of your voice

I have been walking in reverse

tracing the steps back to

the moment when you lost your life

wishfully thinking I could find it 

and give it back to you

I have been painting the words

"I love you always"

mixing my bleeding heart
with the bluest days

because purple was your favorite color

I have been cursing

 time's impatience

it knew you were always getting lost

 and arriving fashionably late

yet it selfishly refused to wait...

I guess that must be 

why these hours are so lonely

they really missed out on something

 so incredibly beautiful
and indescribably great

Not Guilty

My lover is not a thief

he never stole my heart;

it is still where it has always been

of that I'm certain,

or I would not feel its beating.

He warmed my life with his breath

when he whispered

spring butterflies into my ears

and my heart chased them

 all the way to June.

My lover is not guilty

he never took my love;

he lit it with his summer hands

when they touched
 the willow's shadow

on my skin,

and banished the sad shape

 before it had the chance

 to reach down

and tattoo me with its tears.

My lover is not a marauder

he never invaded my soul

he walked up toward the fence

that protected the garden

of my blossoming dreams,
 carrying fresh water 
and some extra seeds

and asked, most earnestly if he could help

My lover never committed a crime

He committed his love to mine

My Heaven

There is a place nearby

Where the longing

For the some things

And some ones are kept

For all that I can feel

 but no longer touch

It has no streams

It has no trees

dressed in green, gold or red

it has no cliffs

to sit on the edge

 and contemplate what ifs

It carries no clouds,

and no planes or birds

freely fly through

it holds no life,

just a memory of life that once was

It’s not the same as what I want

It’s what I presently have

There is a faraway place existing

Where I don’t yet exist

Where those some things

And some ones now live

Where butterflies

 frequently flutter

 as indigo happily swirls itself

 across a summer sky

It is swarming with eager smiles

Familiar, kind eyes

and open, fervent arms

It’s nourished through creation

Always bursting with fresh art

It holds life

A life that is now

It’s the same as what I want

And all I am yet to have again

My Heaven is when and where

these two places collide

Where the empty is filled

And when the lost is found

The Sun Sleeps on the Mountain

(For my 5 year old niece Shaniya, who asked me if the sun sleeps on the mountain)

To feel as young,

As summer in June

And as rested as

The sun that sleeps

On a bed of leaves

Beneath a mountain’s tallest tree

Long lashes, and expressive eyes
hint an age far greater
and thoughts far brighter
than her August candles' glow
even the bottom of the massive ocean
couldn't compare to the depth of the poetry in her soul

Before she had teeth

To peek through her effervescent smile
I could hear the questions
I'd never think to know

If love had an alias,

it would use her name in moments like these

She rushes for an embrace

And I see joy reveal itself

through her open arms
As she shares her spirit through her laughter
all my despondency in that instant, is removed
and replaced with immortal hope

With each visit
her heart teaches me
the lessons life hides
like eggs in Easter grass
and each day that knows her
is a little more brilliant for it.

As I Go On

As I go on

strolling

through days and hours

 that I’d much rather give to you

I spent 31 years unknowing

I wouldn’t have any more

With you to see me through

I close my eyes,

and fade into nights

Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair

I’d give you a watch

Filled with all of my time

But it caught me unaware

and struck me deep

 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all

I’d be more than okay with none

 I keep asking a thousand questions

And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts

Were as light as the clouds

so the wind can easily push them away

Instead, heavy and loud

There in my mind they always stay

And the more I picture your smile

The more I wish I didn’t have to go on

With just a picture everyday

I miss you

It’s all I can think, and all I can say

Duet

In a quiet room

 Filled with the calm of honest light

Our thoughts sang a duet over the rain

It was a few deep breaths in the night

That would heal this soul 

for infinite days to come

Risking all

the stinging, inevitable goodbyes

for the chance

to answer the what ifs and whys

for the experience of knowing

something good and extraordinarily true

So while some think us full of crazy

as they continue complicating what remains of time

by holding out for permanence

permanently pondering love in an obscure rhyme

I will hum a tune of a duet I was a part of
when harmony reigned once upon a rainy night

 I spend my hours now

with gratefulness and clarity

and I smile
at all that is beautiful and true

these things I would have never known

 if I never sang with you

Whispers

2007

While she sleeps
He lies awake
His eyes turn
To her side of the bed
Is she dreaming of him
Or some long lost love
It doesn’t matter
She looks content

Such beauty, such serenity
Fills the room
His soul is calm
As he listens to each
Deep breath she slowly takes

A cool breeze sneaks through
The open window
She shivers for a moment
He pulls the comforter
Slightly higher to protect
Her bare shoulders
then kisses her cheek

He whispers I love you
Now in this peaceful night
Before during the afternoon storm
I love you
when the wind is fierce
When the clouds are still
Then he fades back to sleep


As she slowly wakes
Her eyes turn to
His side of the bed
To study the man of her dreams
In his tranquil state
Her love for him is
Perfect in all of its imperfection

She whispers I love you
Now in this silent room
Before when thunder filled the air
I love you
When the sun is farthest from the sky
When the birds return for spring
Then she kisses his face


Now they lie in a quiet slumber
filled with passionate dreams
They’ve already made love
Now they cherish it

Finding Solace Within

 2008

A heart so cold and numb
Tears too frozen to cry
The ice would not break
My spirit couldn't fly
Too far from that so-called home
My wings were clipped
Searched for comfort
In each glass of wine I sipped
It just left my tongue
with a bitter taste
but for a while
 the memory of you was erased

There were no rivers
Just an icy pond
I waited for Mother Nature
To wave her wand
And bring us spring
The calendar never changed
and you and I
remained estranged
It seemed as if March would not go away
And February's fallen snow
 would always stay


Yet now here I sit
Doing just fine without the likes of you
alone but not lonely and now
the sky is a different shade of blue

Listening to love songs
They no longer make sense
Inside this house
Which around I've built a fence
To keep all the
Mr. Wrongs at bay
This hibernating heart
Will awake again one day
Perhaps when the sun
Finds its way to May


For now I have found solace within
And covered all the scars
on the place where your love pierced my skin

Reminiscing

This one kind of came out like a country song...or at least that's what it sounds like in my head. :-)

Not all days and nights are right for reminiscing

But sometimes the sunset seems to know

When I miss all the ways you touched me

With just the right amount of soft and slow

and with a violent passion

you beat right into my quiescent heart

and it’s there, where you still manage to flow

Not all clouds are shaped like yesterdays

But sometimes I feel like the sky is teasing me

It’s not the blue that reminds me of you

It’s the warmth of the sun, just before it leaves me

Then I wander back into that moment

When I first met your smile

Before that, I didn’t know all that much about happy

Knowing days like that can still live

Gives me hope that I’ll see love again soon

And not just between

the setting sun and the rising moon

but  in all of the places willows won’t cry

and for far longer 

than the sun lights up the hours of June

My Gratitude

How could I feel so much

From someone that lay
so many miles away

The way he touched me

Like some kind of magic trick

No hands

Just words whispered from lips

That slipped inside my heart

Though I could not watch their movement

Still, I felt the need to kiss

Make it true

Make it love

Make it this

For as long as the clock’s hands move

And as far as ours will reach

For as long as love has nothing to prove

And life has everything to teach

I will have someone to thank

Make it live

Make it move

Make it bliss

And now I go

Toward a season undiscovered

with no layers

with no fan

with no you

no way of knowing

whether I’ll fly away

or stand

no fingertips tracing

the lifeline on my hand

Make it fate

Make it you

Make your way to me

For as long as destiny has a resting place

And desires need a soft spot to land

For as long as hearts feel the urge to race

And canyons remain wide and grand

You, my love, will have my gratitude

Surrender

When we turn ourselves in

Like prisoners to the night...

Long forgotten

but not for good,

the summers  bright,

we will chase the shadows

and shake them up

until they return the stolen light

We will revisit

 the blissful ignorance

of potential plight.

Catch all of the fireflies

As they form words in motion,

Dazzling taste, touch,

 sound, scent and sight.

Terms of endearment

 leaping off the tips of our tongues.

We shall put them all in a jar

like pennies saved

for a lover’s quiet thoughts

I close my eyes and whisper

 “That’s it!
That was what I needed”

Any attempt to fight or flight

Would be foolish

and undoubtedly defeated.
then all the rush

of an anticipated touch

would rise and be known

through phrases repeated

without losing their novelty

We will hide from death,

Remain untouched

by December’s frozen,

 heavy breath.

Step away,     

walk in reverse

Until things get blurry

Then fall asleep on firm plans

To someday face the worry

In That Empty Space

I listened as your footsteps left my life

Their faraway sound could be the

Beat to my ballad

I still hear it sometimes

With a pace as slow as my heart

If it were years ago

It would probably race

To chase you

But now is where I am

And you’re not here now

The stars too distant to read

But I swear they spelled good-bye

Now here I am

Fallen from love

To a world that never felt me coming

And I’m learning as I hear and see

I am discovering who I am

Each highway a possibility

Everyday is a beginning

With less and less familiarity

Sometimes those footsteps come back

Just to leave again

I hope one day they stay away

But for now, the echoes

Reside in that empty space.

I live when they leave

Sometimes for two nights or more

To get wasted

Until sobriety carries them

 back on its wagon

Time to fill up on all things not you

And leave a “no vacancy”

Do You Remember?

Do you remember how love felt?

Does love recall touching you?

Can you offer peace to my puzzled soul

And tell me are memories still true?

Or are they like the sky

Elusive, and ever changing back to blue?

Do you remember the places we walked

Before we both walked away?

Now I’m not suggesting

I want to exchange rings with yesterday

Though it would sure be sweet

If now and then it came back to play

Sometimes I think if I closed my eyes

I would once again be certain to find you.

I bet if happiness danced into my life

It would fit perfectly in your size shoe

As it did when we waltzed before, where the footprints 

of each step remain as constant as crazy glue

You quieted my city mind

hushed the noise like a strong, swift country breeze

and left me calm, and open to be taken everywhere

surrounded with contentment, and green October trees

bracing for the Fall.

Your love was my heart’s sentry, I felt so safe and so at ease

Do you remember?

I hope I never do

Because I can’t ever recall

All that I’ve never forgotten…

It Lives For you

It’s like the feel of a first love’s hand

On a last night together

If tears came unsalted

Would life be unsweetened?

Would roses bloom on cheeks in spring?

Perfection

Forever

Certainty

Who seeks such things and why?

Not I…

A human heart

A human soul

So much more there to see and feel

So much to discover

So much to never understand

Smooth surfaces can cause a slip

But I prefer to leap and freefall

Then bounce back for more

I can die feeling rich

Because I was born so poor.

Adventure

Complexity

Pain

Who twirls through them all like an August storm then stops to dance?

 Yes, I…

When the world is rough around the edges

Full of untamed meadows

and hidden stones your naked feet can’t bear

Find the wild orchards of silent wishes

Waiting to be breathed true

Love

Loss

Fear overcome

Exploding shields

That’s what I’ve lived through

And that is life

It lives for you.

~Trish