Missing You

Lately,

I have been visiting days

specifically those

 that knew you quite well

asking them to share a memory or two

I have been touching walls

that you've spoken to

when I was too busy to listen

hoping to feel 

leftover vibrations of your voice

I have been walking in reverse

tracing the steps back to

the moment when you lost your life

wishfully thinking I could find it 

and give it back to you

I have been painting the words

"I love you always"

mixing my bleeding heart
with the bluest days

because purple was your favorite color

I have been cursing

 time's impatience

it knew you were always getting lost

 and arriving fashionably late

yet it selfishly refused to wait...

I guess that must be 

why these hours are so lonely

they really missed out on something

 so incredibly beautiful
and indescribably great

Opening The Book

I hold within my palms
ashamed tears
proud smiles
desperate prayers
deep steady breaths
 rushing through
 a tunneled fist of night
determined to heal
 the frost's harsh bite

Hopeful fingers cross
Constant cowering
Unavoidable loss
Discovery
Insanity
bouncing assiduously off the walls
like a hell-bent racket
fighting stubborn tennis balls

nervously nibbling nails
leaping spits of bravery
emotions
no longer victims of slavery

forgotten gratitude
swallowed hunger
soul screaming
like echoes of fired shots
when life roughly
combs through the knots

I show them
like corridors filled
with judgments old and new
 hung by shaky hands
for crooked eyes to view

I leave them open and free
like pastures of expressions
explorers have claimed
and named
while piercing their flags
straight through my heart

all that has grown within me
I now lay it all down
for a thousand sights to soil
for love to nurture
for hatred to boil
for thieves to take
for neglect to rot

I toss my book on the table
the pages are always flipping
even when my mind is not

Finding A Place To Get Lost

The stomping rain
demanding the rivers to rise
and then bow to the clouds
the royal blue now gone
gray has seized the throne


the root of an
 unrelenting rose
unfazed by heaven's threats
to wipe its memory clean

a brave leaf
too grown up
to be carried
 on summer's hip
leaves its home
to become a conductor
after witnessing
the wind's reorchestration
 of life's symphony

A sad girl
could become happily lost
among such bittersweet beauty
and find a place
 to lose her tears

Just A Thought

you are just a thought
a glimpse of a bending road
where tentative steps meet the beginning
like a pool's temperature
tiptoes consider
before diving in

A hint of your life's fragrance
like spring's sweet pea
breezing over the thankful grass
and following the motion of a wavy dream
all the way to a lonely December night
waking sensitivity's hibernation
hoping to discover and somehow
 rouse a sleeping smile
with a gentle kiss
 for the shyest part of the face
where tender skin
hides behind a pouted lip

I've given you a name
just to bring you a little
 closer than a hope
a little nearer than a whisper

Perhaps together we could
play this life's triumphs and tragedies
with lively fingers
 gliding over a piano's keys
from eager beginning
to clinging end
only pausing to take note
of a song carried
 on a bird's early flight

For now,
you are still just a thought
a most important one

Eviction Notice

Tonight I would prefer

 to not harbor my pain.

The earth has soaked up

the last of the meteor's rain
and the air is requesting to come inside.

Beneath a wonder

that juggles more

than my mind’s ability to conceive,

I no longer can stand to grieve

So I ask

 if it would care for my sorrow,

give my troubles a new home

if I evict my tears

to leave my heart open —

A spacious place

for lighter things to occupy

emotions swimming,

always swimming

against the current;

I think it's time they fly.

A change of pace — 

leave the salty water 

for the candy coated sky.

So tired of the aching

it's likely just as tired of me

so how about

we set each other's weariness free

Love Without Understanding

Love has enough life
breathed into it
to outlive us all
still, some kill their days
 trying to catch up to its infinite age
only to die sore and tired

some spend their long moments alone,
 in frozen fear of something so immortal
never finding the worthiness
 to embrace the heat

others stretch their minds
attempting to wrap themselves
completely around its obese complexity
until their thoughts
 no longer fit their own destiny

Then there are those that see it as a recipe
a strict list of ingredients to set out on the table
when the cravings call to have it over for supper


I want to throw in spices on a whim
never bake at the same temperature
and cook  again and again
even though it may sometimes burn


I don't want to race to chase its years
and lose track of my own time

I don't believe that it's so heavenly blue
 that its light
 will turn my earthly,
 green life to dust

I don't want to find it
loudly sparking up the sky.
In the quiet hours beside me
is when I hear it best

I don't want to figure out
what it's all about,
how it was made,
 or what it's made of...

Recognizing its touch
 is more than enough
to know it was made for me

Slipping on Spilled Time

In a world where

my subconscious

is still figuring you out;

still yet to stumble on the road

my open eyes have seen.

My mind drifts into a hazy night.

I attach the swirling wind

like wheels,

to your memory

but the engine has stalled in my chest

and refuses to let you go.

I’ve released my desires

when I discovered them
clinging to dandelions.

I threw my last two cents

into an obscure well

that dwelled so strangely,
deep and dark beneath a land
that hope surrounds.

But how can I rid my dreams

of your haunting stride?

If only I could find the soil

where I buried my pride

and dig up each treasure

saved for a faraway decade;

Treasures that turned out to be

necessities
 I’ve been starving without

 each day along the way.

Perhaps I could drink

Some witch’s poisoned brew,

But that would surely

Slip my thoughts even further back

To the precious time I spilled with you.

I guess I’ll just have to let

My dreams find a way

To finally understand

I let go

a long time ago

I let go

of  yesterday's fickle love
and the past's cold hand

If I Were To Lose You

If I were to lose you
mountains would not crumble
roofs would not cave
because I would be in space
the darkest part
zoneless
homeless
timeless
so far from earth
pleading to be shot by a star
into oblivion
out of my misery.
Undiscovered by launched shuttles
reaching up their hope to lift mystery's veil.
Ignored by orbiting planets
as they fraternize
with the sun.
nothing would revolve around me
nothing would even know to care
too far to be visible
to an intrigued stare

If I were to lose you
it would just be the darkness
and my despair.

I would die
so terribly young,
outlived by an old fear.

Death

I can almost hear it
not quite knocking
with a contemplating hand
a breath away from my door
it knows where I am
and when I will be no more

It makes just enough sound
to bring an audible fright
and then it slips away
as I quickly steal back the covers
from the remiss night

I've decided not to be terrified
of its teasing
I just allow it to be a reminder
that there are days still left
 to be seizing.

Not Guilty

My lover is not a thief

he never stole my heart;

it is still where it has always been

of that I'm certain,

or I would not feel its beating.

He warmed my life with his breath

when he whispered

spring butterflies into my ears

and my heart chased them

 all the way to June.

My lover is not guilty

he never took my love;

he lit it with his summer hands

when they touched
 the willow's shadow

on my skin,

and banished the sad shape

 before it had the chance

 to reach down

and tattoo me with its tears.

My lover is not a marauder

he never invaded my soul

he walked up toward the fence

that protected the garden

of my blossoming dreams,
 carrying fresh water 
and some extra seeds

and asked, most earnestly if he could help

My lover never committed a crime

He committed his love to mine

For Megan

 A poem for my youngest sister

I was lost somewhere between 7 and 8

You, were a bundle of silly,

 spoiled and small

 I was tall

Though not quite reaching the height

to where I could appreciate you

I could count the quarters

 I found between the cushions

yet when it came to your value

It would be years

until I could do that kind of math

And now the equation all makes sense…

Two dimes, a nickel and a penny later

I’m no longer looking for change.

I’m turning to the one that remains

 beside my shoulder.

On cracked cement,

On sand and rocks

Through waves.

Through each year like a breath

That can’t be held for too long

 I proudly watch your wisdom age

though I secretly hope a small part of you

will stay young enough.

Young enough to sometimes need me.

Young enough to always learn.

Young enough to grow older.

Where joy meets a prayer,

my eyes recognize you there.

You, 3rd of 3

Half like one and half like two

Or that’s how I often saw you

Now in the very center of your soul

I see a spark all your own

That only your fingerprints can ignite

In time you’ll leave a blazing path

That will knock the wind out of heaven

And shock the rain too hard to fall

And I’ll be there

with a smile and a tear

Bragging to the stars that I know you.

Feeling Your Way Out

In the quiet

Lives a rage so loud

And so strong

It can not be chased

Or captured by sound

In the core of the boundless mind

Where gravity does not exist

For thought

Where sleep is a risky cure

and not a drug easily acquired

Or worth the danger of nightmares

Come to arrest your mind

For attempted escape

When night

 is an everyday thing

and your only chance for sight

is feeling

and so you feel everything…

You feel everything

until your senses explode

And burst open the door for light

Your body, still shaking,

Follows the warmth

Finally the sun

shows you all that you've missed

and you spend the rest of your life

discovering each moment

 brightness touches.

Deep Breaths Away

Sometimes life is as it should be
but even when it's not
it's only a few deep breaths away
from okay

So take your troubles
sweep them up
celebrate with some happiness
in your cup

Know that even when Life
 isn't always faithful
Love is there
it hasn't changed its heart
 or its hair

Shallow Lips

I hear the word

Forced like December’s wind

Through shallow lips

And then I watch it bounce

Like a sport

off of the one being played

some could go on and on forever

with this charade

always pouring into their lives

without ever taking a sip

sitting on the corner

of an empty smile

and they’ll go on and on,

forever homeless

forever unknowing

 the pleasure of offering shelter.

They think it could be.

They think perhaps not.

The uncertainty

 will blind the rest of their days

Like a branchless late morning path

While they avoid truth’s eyes

And they’ll go on and on

Forever sightless

Forever unseen

They will never hear the sound

Of applauding rain

Cheering proudly on midnight’s roof

While shadows quietly rhyme

Against seclusion’s walls

They will never feel thunder

Try to mimic their hearts

And they’ll go on and on

Forever deaf

Forever unheard

They will never find

Time’s forgotten tokens
because they won't be searching.

They all fell asleep

beneath a half moon.

And they’ll go on and on,

Forever unfeeling,

Forever untouched.

No truth.
No love.
Just shallow lips
forever unkissed.