Missing You

Lately,

I have been visiting days

specifically those

 that knew you quite well

asking them to share a memory or two

I have been touching walls

that you've spoken to

when I was too busy to listen

hoping to feel 

leftover vibrations of your voice

I have been walking in reverse

tracing the steps back to

the moment when you lost your life

wishfully thinking I could find it 

and give it back to you

I have been painting the words

"I love you always"

mixing my bleeding heart
with the bluest days

because purple was your favorite color

I have been cursing

 time's impatience

it knew you were always getting lost

 and arriving fashionably late

yet it selfishly refused to wait...

I guess that must be 

why these hours are so lonely

they really missed out on something

 so incredibly beautiful
and indescribably great

Wasted

Stole the blue

 from the morning sky

And used it to ink sorrow

Across my heart

Now newly tattooed

The only permanence that exists

In my autumn world

Of dead brown

And teasing gold

Where everything falls

After it finally changes

And nothing grows old

Just bare and cold

Now winter captures 

and consumes

These unfinished chapters

Though I’m too weary to rage

And tear off each white,

 wordless page

Just monotony and I

Snoozing through tomorrow’s alarm

And waking winded

 in a panic of forgotten tasks

a pond of wasted years

cupped in my palms

Splashing a face of unfaceable fears

Can’t revive the past

It’s all down the drain

Clogged with pain.

Time

The clock ticks

Even as we sleep

Time can’t be kept

It can’t hear us weep

We are all doing time

Life…

It’s more than a sentence

More like serving paragraphs

Inside chapters

To a world we’ll

Eventually leave behind

Sometimes I wonder

Will I be worth history?

And then I remember

When I almost was…

Except I would have left

No page to turn

Wouldn’t even have made

Much of an ash if it burned

Then all the tomorrows

I couldn’t afford, but still borrowed…

When it’s really my time

I hope I’ll have paid it all back

Because the gold I was bestowed

Each morning

 and the smiles throughout the day

somehow

 made the midnight struggles

slip away

and they still do

and there goes the part where I try not to cry

I’m still here with time

And an open suitcase

Full of reasons to be unpacked.

The clock can keep ticking

the moments can leave

I think I'll stay