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Sunday, December 30, 2012

Don't Hold Your Breath


Where does the poetry go
When it never gets written down?
I think it cries,
In the cracked corner of your frown
Where does a song go
When it never gets sung?
I think it dies alone,
Buried beneath a silent tongue.
Where do the words go,
when they’re never spoken to a love?
I think they sadly hide, like a somber face,
 behind its own winter glove…
and where are the legs
that never hop, skip, jump, or run?
They’re probably crossed in a chair
That sits in a bare room, knowing no fun

The saddest lips
Die holding their breath.
A soul that never exhales
never finds birth before death.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

One Day


I walked and walked
But no new distance ever grew;
Same thin space remained,
tightly tucked in my back pocket.
So then I flew and flew,
and was just a flame short
of the dawn viewing me as a rocket.
I spoke and spoke,
Though my voice
 never awoke
 the snoring wind
I smiled when asked
But beneath the mask,
I never grinned.
Each time I planted hope,
Winter overstayed its welcome
And the earth just couldn’t cope.

Still I move
Still I fly
Still I speak
Yes, still I try
All without
A thousand reasons why.
except for the most obvious one...
If I persist,
One day, my spring will come



Saturday, December 1, 2012

Inspiration


I think I’ll take a moment
To rest on your bed of thoughts
nap inside a painting of your cloudless dreams
 opening my eyes like small basement windows
that don’t often get much light

I think I’ll take some time
To play your song
 Harmony hushing my lips
 and tickling my ears
like a whisper silence waited for

I think I’ll take a second’s chance
To watch you dance partner-less
 around a symphony of new ideas
maybe your rhythm will teach a step
my soul can learn to do



I think I’ll take a day
and abandon myself
To be with you, instead

Thursday, November 29, 2012

My Heaven

There is a place nearby
Where the longing
For the some things
And some ones are kept
For all that I can feel
 but no longer touch
It has no streams
It has no trees
dressed in green, gold or red
it has no cliffs
to sit on the edge
 and contemplate what ifs
It carries no clouds,
and no planes or birds
freely fly through
it holds no life,
just a memory of life that once was

It’s not the same as what I want
It’s what I presently have

There is a faraway place existing
Where I don’t yet exist
Where those some things
And some ones now live
Where butterflies
 frequently flutter
 as indigo happily swirls itself
 across a summer sky
It is swarming with eager smiles
Familiar, kind eyes
and open, fervent arms
It’s nourished through creation
Always bursting with fresh art
It holds life
A life that is now

It’s the same as what I want
And all I am yet to have again

My Heaven is when and where
these two places collide
Where the empty is filled
And when the lost is found

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Wasted



Stole the blue
 from the morning sky
And used it to ink sorrow
Across my heart
Now newly tattooed
The only permanence that exists
In my autumn world
Of dead brown
And teasing gold
Where everything falls
After it finally changes
And nothing grows old
Just bare and cold

Now winter captures 
and consumes
These unfinished chapters
Though I’m too weary to rage
And tear off each white,
 wordless page

Just monotony and I
Snoozing through tomorrow’s alarm
And waking winded
 in a panic of forgotten tasks
a pond of wasted years
cupped in my palms
Splashing a face of unfaceable fears
Can’t revive the past
It’s all down the drain
Clogged with pain.



Thursday, October 25, 2012

Where Sorrow Goes


Shaking in the darkness
Surrounded by my own
Wintered thoughts
I can see the pleas
Float away from my lips
Beyond the stars…
The stars
That have already been claimed
By an optimist’s wish
They’ve all been taken
And so all I have
Is the infinite,
elusive, empty space
Where sorrow goes
 To eternally live...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

If I Were Blind


If I were blind
Would you write to me anyway?
Simply because there are words
The heart can’t speak
Would you take my hand in yours
 and together, guide them over the ink
And would I understand
Simply because there are things
The soul always knows

I’d like to hope so
And every time I hope
It leads to a road
 filled with thoughts of you
a road I have even travelled in my sleep
while bumping into new possibilities
along the way

If I were blind
Would you write to me anyway?
Maybe I was, and you did
And now my vision is clear
that would explain my ink stained hands

The Sun Sleeps on the Mountain

(For my 5 year old niece Shaniya, who asked me if the sun sleeps on the mountain)

To feel as young,
As summer in June
And as rested as
The sun that sleeps
On a bed of leaves
Beneath a mountain’s tallest tree

Long lashes, and expressive eyes
hint an age far greater
and thoughts far brighter
than her August candles' glow
even the bottom of the massive ocean
couldn't compare to the depth of the poetry in her soul

Before she had teeth
To peek through her effervescent smile
I could hear the questions
I'd never think to know
If love had an alias,
it would use her name in moments like these

She rushes for an embrace
And I see joy reveal itself
through her open arms
As she shares her spirit through her laughter
all my despondency in that instant, is removed
and replaced with immortal hope

With each visit
her heart teaches me
the lessons life hides
like eggs in Easter grass
and each day that knows her
is a little more brilliant for it.


Thursday, August 30, 2012

As I Go On


As I go on
strolling
through days and hours
 that I’d much rather give to you
I spent 31 years unknowing
I wouldn’t have any more
With you to see me through
I close my eyes,
and fade into nights
Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair
I’d give you a watch
Filled with all of my time
But it caught me unaware
and struck me deep
 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all
I’d be more than okay with none
 I keep asking a thousand questions
And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts
Were as light as the clouds
so the wind can easily push them away
Instead, heavy and loud
There in my mind they always stay
And the more I picture your smile
The more I wish I didn’t have to go on
With just a picture everyday
I miss you
It’s all I can think, and all I can say





Monday, August 20, 2012

My Little Sister ( A poem for Amanda)


My Little Sister (A Poem For Amanda)
Although now you are grown
my little sister I will always see
Yet I don’t think there was ever
 a time you looked up to me
You were always so independent
Knew how to work the VCR when you were three
I had to watch the Breakfast Club
And White Water Summer, A thousand times a week
I was the quiet one and you
still haven’t stopped talking since you learned how to speak

You and I-We are
like day and night
Even our initials (A.M. and P.M.)
Fits us so right
But there is one thing we share
 That’s my love for you and your love for me
I’m your big sister
And you will always mean the world to me

I recall the countless times
You pissed me off and I wanted to knock you out
Then you made me feel bad
When your eyes were sad and your lips would pout
no matter how many times our characters clashed
We were there for each other when we needed to be
You know you’re my little sister
And you will always mean the world to me

As a child you
 cracked me up with your silly ways
And even sometimes you still do now
You brightened up most of my days
But good through bad- in my heart
 my love for you forever stays
No matter
how often we may disagree
I’m proud to be your big sister and
You will always mean the world to me

Monday, August 13, 2012

Spreading Ashes


A neglected candle
fallen to the ground
flames reaching desperately
to be seen and found

Destroying all that
Breezes kiss
Annihilating darkness’s cloak
With a bitter hiss

All that once breathed the sky
Is choking on the smoking hate
 Alarming love
Though sadly, it is much too late


If only this candle knew it began
 as a spark ignited by life’s shining prayer
Perhaps then it would have danced with hope
Instead of spreading ashes of despair

We need an answer
And I believe it’s beating at each chest
Until we let love in
Hate will gain more power and never need to rest






Friday, August 10, 2012

Duet

In a quiet room
 Filled with the calm of honest light
Our thoughts sang a duet over the rain
It was a few deep breaths in the night
That would heal this soul 
for infinite days to come

Risking all
the stinging, inevitable goodbyes
for the chance
to answer the what ifs and whys
for the experience of knowing
something good and extraordinarily true

So while some think us full of crazy
as they continue complicating what remains of time
by holding out for permanence
permanently pondering love in an obscure rhyme
I will hum a tune of a duet I was a part of
when harmony reigned once upon a rainy night

 I spend my hours now
with gratefulness and clarity
and I smile
at all that is beautiful and true
these things I would have never known
 if I never sang with you





Wednesday, August 8, 2012

BARRIERS





You shouted over
The voice in my head
My thoughts bulldozed
Trapped beneath your volume
Until the last of me was dead
And direction remained unfound
Barriers
of unwanted sound
causing a train to wreck in the night.
The sky was high but dim
and I believe I am somewhere
near that unseen light


Stumbling through a cloud of you
formed through evaporated tears
life became so weak
from the unused, passing years.
So tired left me through with trying
and anger made me wish I could.
Suffocated, panicked,
splashing sorrow.
Unable to swim across a fear
Tempted
to say goodbye to tomorrow

So much inside
needing to come out
and become someone
but the streetlights
stood like prison guards
 throughout the endless night
a permanent curfew
and from a star, hung my suspended dreams
I wonder if your voice wasn't so loud,
would my courage have heard my struggled screams?


All the dusty pieces of me
scattered on a basement floor
I couldn't be whole enough
to be anything more
So here I am,
still as I was...
too broken to break through
the barriers
and I wonder...

 If your voice wasn't so loud
would I have heard
 my own bravery
and walked towards a way out
with enough strength, and a proud heart
to silence each daunting shout?

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Bucket of Coins


I wish a moment didn't stain
The page I still turn back to
I wish life
 would have filled you with breath instead of pain
I wish you could see the heart we felt
I wish you knew gold was beneath the gray
It shined for those you treasured…
It shined even in the heaviest rain

I wish midnight left a trail
So I could walk
 Towards a second that wasn’t too late
I wish you knew that impossible
 was a word never meant for someone
 as incredibly capable
and loved as you
I really wish you  knew…

I wish the morning sun found you awake
I wish the drifting clouds discovered your dreams
And left them by your pillow
 for your open eyes to claim
Still, I understand, the conflict within
Was too much to tame

 I can’t stop wishing…
With tears dropping
 like a bucket of coins in a well of wants
And I’d pay a thousand more
 if it made them come true
If only a penny could bring me your  thoughts
instead I'm only brought my own of you

I wish
because somewhere you’ll hear it and smile
 I wish you could stay
I wish you knew...

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Blind World


There were times
I wished my heart would stop
There were moments
I wished the clock would stop
There were hours
I wished the world would stop

Not a thing was still


All I was, was nothing
Unseen... the part of the picture
That escapes the eye’s curiosity
Unable to leap out of the negative
The part that played no part
There and not

 Not a soul knew my soul

And then
Time beat my chest
Until the rhythm of its seconds
Resuscitated my will
until the earth, the air, sound…
everything was new

 The depth of life was stronger than my own sobriety

I closed my eyes, 
drifted in darkness
And complained of a blind world
until I finally opened them enough to see
the sky's bright eyes
that were always watching over me

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

MAYBE


Maybe if my life crawled
Slow enough to trace the Earth
And come back to the beginning
Still beating, still burning
More than June’s screaming sun

Maybe if my heart was as proverbial
As one mentioned on many a beloved poet’s page
And attentive eyes studied its rhythm
Sometimes slow, sometimes none at all
Forever living far beyond its allotted time

Maybe if my hands
 touched the bark of the oldest tree,
that has offered more breath
than my lungs will ever struggle for
stronger than the storming centuries it stood up against

Maybe if my eyes came alive
Like a city weekend night
And I were somewhere breaking the speed limit
On the fastest way to not here
Enjoying every unfamiliar turn

Maybe if time would stop stealing
my side of the bed
And leave me with a little room and proper rest
If each hour were as soft and kind as my favorite pillow
I wouldn’t mind its company and I’d be better for it

Maybe…
If I were all these things
I wouldn’t be me.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Final Storm


You left your footprints
I found them there after yesterday’s rain
 alone
 in the mud
I was happy to see them
Even though it meant
I’d never again
 get to struggle with the blinding sun
To see the hope in your eyes
As your lashes flutter
Unaware of the envy
In the bird's chirp and morning's mutter

The footprints stay
Long after your final storm
Beside them, I stand long in thought
Close to where you once briefly stood
Perhaps taken by the same current
Of confusion
Struck by the same jolt
Of anger
submerged in a river
polluted with our own qualms
so much that
an invisible today
and the urgency
of every imagined tomorrow
formed a bleak yesterday
that I could not find the strength
to wipe away

I imagined a world
That understood the breadth of you
a Brilliance
stretching the visions
Of those who gazed upon it
With elated eyes
My mind drifted to all the moments
You could have made true
In the places that could have been
If the future safely held you

The sidewalks with your scribbled name
I will walk up to,
stop and smile
because it’s a name I knew
and I’ll wish those that walk by it
would have known it too


You left your footprints
and even though it was too late
I left mine beside yours

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Until Then

She wears shades
On cloudy days,
Hears rhymes
Whispered by willows
And deeply breathes them in
Until it’s time to exhale
The words through her pen

She waltzes with memories
Until sadness cuts in
And then her dancing shoes disappear
There’s never a prince to find them
But there’s always next year


She can play the piano with her heart
But her hands aren’t as smart
No one understands
And she says that’s okay
she gets lost in the darkness
trying to find a brand new day
and the man on the moon
Has no hands to point the way
 or join in with a violin

So she shakes her head
And gives a sigh
Wishes the sky
Wasn’t so high
Jealous of planes
They have no soul, yet they can fly

She doesn't want to blend
She doesn't want to mend
She just wants to be
without stubbing her toes on distractions
that interrupt the beauty


One day 
she’ll find a way
When she remembers how to try
Until then, she’ll stand alone
Just like the letter I.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Sky Has Long Since Lost Its Blue

 3-3-10

It’s midnight now
And the sky has long since lost its blue
On the terrace
eager to catch a late summer night’s breeze
in the background
Beethoven’s piano plays
A tune of present sorrow
Somewhere lying on an untouched key
is a note of hope yet to be heard,
though once it’s touched
a smile will greet the sunrise tomorrow


Goose bumps form beneath my sleeves
In tune with the sighing wind
And the shrugging branches
Showing off its abundant leaves
The crickets gossip of the madness
That goes on between the earth and moon
The birds, all deep in repose
After fluttering about from morning to late afternoon

In the midst of the cool wind’s charity
The noise of traffic suddenly disrupts
Any chance of clarity
These eyes attempt to avoid
the streetlight’s glares
The cigarette’s smoke escapes from my mouth
and swirls around Like a tornado formed
of whispered prayers

Perhaps tomorrow
I’ll be kissed by the rays of the sun
And maybe I’ll let it catch me
Even if I should feel the urge to run

For now the night understands my troubles
So I’ll spend my time with the moon
For as long as it will have me
And never tire of its comforting tune.

Whispers

2007

While she sleeps
He lies awake
His eyes turn
To her side of the bed
Is she dreaming of him
Or some long lost love
It doesn’t matter
She looks content

Such beauty, such serenity
Fills the room
His soul is calm
As he listens to each
Deep breath she slowly takes

A cool breeze sneaks through
The open window
She shivers for a moment
He pulls the comforter
Slightly higher to protect
Her bare shoulders
then kisses her cheek

He whispers I love you
Now in this peaceful night
Before during the afternoon storm
I love you
when the wind is fierce
When the clouds are still
Then he fades back to sleep


As she slowly wakes
Her eyes turn to
His side of the bed
To study the man of her dreams
In his tranquil state
Her love for him is
Perfect in all of its imperfection

She whispers I love you
Now in this silent room
Before when thunder filled the air
I love you
When the sun is farthest from the sky
When the birds return for spring
Then she kisses his face


Now they lie in a quiet slumber
filled with passionate dreams
They’ve already made love
Now they cherish it

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Finding Solace Within

 2008

A heart so cold and numb
Tears too frozen to cry
The ice would not break
My spirit couldn't fly
Too far from that so-called home
My wings were clipped
Searched for comfort
In each glass of wine I sipped
It just left my tongue
with a bitter taste
but for a while
 the memory of you was erased

There were no rivers
Just an icy pond
I waited for Mother Nature
To wave her wand
And bring us spring
The calendar never changed
and you and I
remained estranged
It seemed as if March would not go away
And February's fallen snow
 would always stay


Yet now here I sit
Doing just fine without the likes of you
alone but not lonely and now
the sky is a different shade of blue

Listening to love songs
They no longer make sense
Inside this house
Which around I've built a fence
To keep all the
Mr. Wrongs at bay
This hibernating heart
Will awake again one day
Perhaps when the sun
Finds its way to May


For now I have found solace within
And covered all the scars
on the place where your love pierced my skin

If I Should Come Across Tomorrow

1-14-10

There’s a red bird
And it dances with the branches
While the sky flaunts
Its best blue dress
I watch the airplanes carry people
their dreams
Balancing on a shaky cloud
Thoughts of tomorrow
In my mind are daunting and loud
But I just want to be here
And be silent
With right now
In this weightless moment

Tomorrow’s too heavy
For my soul to carry
My hearts too familiar with the past
I’ve been there and done that
all the t-shirts are worn and faded

This minute is like new love
A first kiss with closed eyes
Beneath the blinding sun
These legs are too content to run
So I think I’ll stay
But if I should come across tomorrow
I hope it brings me more
Than I left with yesterday

Who I Am

I am me
And that may not be a movie star
Or any role in any movie
But I play my own role well
Each day that my life reels on
And the ending will be
Whatever I want it to be

My picture has never been in a magazine
Though my mind has painted images far prettier
and my eyes recognize beauty when they see it
I have a heart capable of loving beauty
in all of its forms
And loving is beautiful
So therefore I am beautiful

When walking about with my face uncovered
No make-up, no style to my hair
I may not think of myself as much to look at
But I’m not looking in the mirror
I’m looking at the world
And there is plenty of stunning in it to see
And the world is a reflection of me

I haven’t sung in front of thousands
This melody in my soul
May be a tune too heavy to carry
But if I sing it, I won’t have to hold it
My song will render me weightless
and thousands of tears
will run down to kiss my smile

I don’t have millions of dollars
And I probably will never earn
A quarter of that in my life
but I have friends that have offered me
infinite amounts of rich laughter
even loaned me their smile on a sad day
So when the bills pile up, there are many debts that I can still pay

I am me and you are you
When it’s all summed up
together we are extraordinary
For those reasons alone
And in all the ways it counts the most

Our worth is not to be undervalued
It's to be multiplied
by each part of life that we're a part of
and to be cherished
with each day of living

The Stains of Longing

 4-10-10


She sat there on the porch, silent
No shimmer in her sleepless eyes
Just as plain as a white t-shirt
Wanting the rain to come down
To wash away the stains of longing

So envious of the moon
how the stars
they all seemed to swoon
and surround the night with love
she wished on them all
for a voice as strong as the wind
Just a little more courage
To do more than just pretend
To be crowded with life
And for the loneliness to end
Waiting…
for a little sunlight to befriend

Perhaps it was all her fault
Pushing away chances
Instead of clouds
Until her eyes became a faded blue
Blending with the grey
Remaining speechless
Though there was much to say

Overpowered by thunder
Her heart’s telling
Could vaguely be heard
And so she misinterpreted
Every single word

If only she could spend a day
Without the night
Lost in her own darkness
Determined to find the way
To make it all right

What If

5-28-10


Too much time to think
And not enough time to be
So many hours wasted
Trying to run away from me
So how with all that moving
and with all that leaving
Am I left here standing
Still
 In front of this mirror?
And which reflection is true?
Is it this?
Confusion
 surrounded by many shades of blue?
or the one your eyes show
When the sparkles in them dance
and show me all that I could do?
What if it is neither
And I am not worthy to be in the midst of your view?

What if all this mind wandering
 and these floating thoughts
Will forever carry on,
 until the time I cease to exist
Preventing my footprints
 from ever showing on the sand
What if I can never open my heart
or unclench my fist
Or if my appearance is nothing more than
a Lipstick mark, wiped away
 from the many cheeks that I have kissed
Never to be seen or felt again…
when the world is still here and I am gone.
These are the thoughts
That seem to always linger on

Not Quite Gone and Not Quite Here

10-25-10

Just another thirsty moment
Without a drink in reach
I once felt greatness within
Yet never unleashed
The beat was kept encaged
Beneath a solid, quiet layer
Relentlessly muting a thunderous heart
Until it lost all its rage
And fell apart
Into many shattered pieces
that will never become art
Swept up and thrown away

Blue eyes that only see gray
Searching for a sun that stopped glowing
Around the time
this body stopped growing
I fear I’ll never shine
As I once did in my youth
Before I lost all imagination
And found the truth

  Can’t shake this dread
That once the memory fully fades
The ocean will lose its waves
And these feet will be left standing
Stranded and dry in the sand
Stuck between not quite gone
 and not quite here
Motionless as the winter shore
A dreamer without slumber
Surrendering to the nevermore

Unwelcome Visitor

Last night I was visited by memories
thought to be long forgotten
Of rivers cried
And love gone rotten


I turned wet pages
Some were torn
From horrific rages

I traced my finger
Over every word and somber verse
A past that belonged to someone else
Yet follows behind me like a curse

Back then my pen was strong
Though my voice was weak
So I wrote
But I would not speak

This dusty book
From so long ago
Now seems written
By a soul I do not know
And hope to never know again

Yet sometimes on quiet nights
This stranger visits me now and then
I do not welcome
this gloomy visitor's company
but out my window the shaky branches
appear to beckon me
I opened the window just a crack
And in with the wind
All that sorrow came breezing back

Ghosts of the past
trapped in present time
A tear drop
Between every rhyme
Not a smile in sight


I turned and turned
All the pages I never set on fire
And there was nothing
That could be found of smiles or desire

So much has changed since then
I will fill in what's missing
With a brand new pen

So instead of sending
the unwelcome visitor away
I offered the ghost a hug
Whispered softly..
Don't worry it is now okay.

Come Out and Dance

11-27-10



I met happiness
In a quiet
but not so still afternoon
When the sun was warm
But not blinding
And a breeze came waltzing in
Through the open window
And wrapped itself around me
For a moment
 then left…
not a permanent goodbye
But a teasing “so-long”
Sort of daring me to come along

I saw happiness
When I looked out with a smile
To see the branches waving a welcome hello
The dawn of a bright autumn capturing my attention
My eyes were glad to be held in its custody
Never has a prisoner felt so free.
 The air was kind enough to remind me
that I was lucky to breathe
 and should  breathe in slowly
and as often and deeply as I can

I felt happiness
When again the breeze came
For a while playfully whirling
Until for no more than a split second,
 Touching my bare shoulders
 much like a first love touches a heart
 No matter how fleeting,
 still long enough to give an unforgettable impression
Leaving its memory like a beauty mark
 that will always remain on my skin

I knew happiness
When I awoke, well rested, to a cloudless sky
And I was embraced with what I always needed
But never before considered necessary
Until that moment
that I learned about rhythm
And I wanted more
when I realized life wanted me
To come out and dance.

Life wanted me…
And I wanted life

The Stream

1-24-11


So silent in her wanting
With a voice like a prayer
Hoping to be heard
 by only those who care
Needing to be touched by
 More than the cool night’s air
but to be caressed in similar ways
Though not usually one for silly wishes
Have you ever met a breeze that stays?

…yet somehow deep inside somewhere
There’s a spot reserved for dreams
A part that never broke away
Stayed wading in the streams
In a place where
pretty things forever stay
And only beauty is
 welcome to play
You can find her there
After a sad day
With drops of water in her palms
A calm remedy for raging tears
This is where she is herself
She’s been coming here for years

So close to home, that she feels it is
 So many miles from her fears
She knows this place so well
This is where she runs to
When she runs away from hell

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Until The Ocean Steals My Smile

I’m not here
 to place my doubts on every sailing cloud
or figure out how
 to turn the volume of my life up real loud
my vision has never been good for distance
And sometimes love’s too far to hold my hand
still I can find happiness in simplicity
often just by drawing smiles in the sand
maybe they won’t stay forever
I know I can say for sure that I won’t
Where will I go?
That may not be
 for me to know
at least not right now...

So I think I’ll just sit and breathe
Until the ocean’s salty sorrow
 steals my smile
and then I’ll draw another for each new day
each time a bit further
and further away
for as long as the shore
 will let me stay

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Shenanigans

I want to smoke pot
And find things funny
Maybe play some hopscotch
With the easter bunny
Love things untagged
And burn up all my money
Before it torches my pockets

I want to run
But not away
Spill some pink
Over charcoal grey
Knock on the night’s door
And ask it to play
While we’re both still young

Feel something
That will feel me back
Find the depth
Without the black
Feed my soul
Until it doesn’t lack
And stop the maddening hunger

Take some words
And make them rhyme
Punch the clock
Until the death of time
Get my tongue acquainted
With a beverage and a lime
where wrong and right dance together

Am I There Yet?
No?
How about now?

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Curse

So I ask
Dear poet
What draws you to the sea?
When waves fervently kiss the wind
Do you hear colliding poetry?
All those words your fingers caressed
With hopes that your soul
Would reach out
And leak onto the world

You left in the night
To dive into
 the unknown light
How many before
And so many after
Have done the same?

So I ask
Though I think I know
It draws me too…
Perhaps in the same way
as it does you
why do I want to understand?
So that fate
doesn't grab and pull my hand?
When the dusk dips
And the night swirls
Into a sad melody
That stirs the syllables
Within my heart
And no metaphor can be
Rocked slow to sleep.
All stars start shooting
And the mad midnight
Begins brewing
There’s nothing still
To hold
No calm to float on

So I ask:
Did you feel the curses
Of crashing verses?
Did you sleepwalk in slippers
only to awaken, 
to your own cries,
so shaken
out of the depths of a nightmare
to a place
Where boldness meets fear?
Is there a map
That will take me far away from there?
To where I may overcome 
that overwhelming intensity?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Inside

Inside

Inside 
an oven closed
Baked emotions
Burned by the lack of attention
It didn’t want anyway
Now all that's left
is the taste of grey 
and the smoky odor of what the fire left
The fire
That was never dealt with
They've come to make sense
Of the ashes
But breath can not exist here
And nothing familiar
Is there to be recognized

There is nothing fancy
Floating within the cloudy room
Just smoldered dreams
On the glitter-free, 
now sparkless earth
No valuable remnants
To find the sky
And show their worth


A buried heart
Can not grow
And the one who owned it
Only wanted to give it away
Or trade it for freedom
But the heat was too much
untouchable
and it became ashes scattered
Before it met the air
It died
Without ever having lived


It’s all gone
Or is it?
Is it possible for what never was
To be gone or go?
I’d like to think so


Sunday, February 26, 2012

Reminiscing

This one kind of came out like a country song...or at least that's what it sounds like in my head. :-)



Not all days and nights are right for reminiscing
But sometimes the sunset seems to know
When I miss all the ways you touched me
With just the right amount of soft and slow
and with a violent passion
you beat right into my quiescent heart
and it’s there, where you still manage to flow

Not all clouds are shaped like yesterdays
But sometimes I feel like the sky is teasing me
It’s not the blue that reminds me of you
It’s the warmth of the sun, just before it leaves me
Then I wander back into that moment
When I first met your smile
Before that, I didn’t know all that much about happy

Knowing days like that can still live
Gives me hope that I’ll see love again soon
And not just between
the setting sun and the rising moon
but  in all of the places willows won’t cry
and for far longer 
than the sun lights up the hours of June




Monday, February 13, 2012

My Gratitude


How could I feel so much
From someone that lay
so many miles away
The way he touched me
Like some kind of magic trick
No hands
Just words whispered from lips
That slipped inside my heart
Though I could not watch their movement
Still, I felt the need to kiss

Make it true
Make it love
Make it this

For as long as the clock’s hands move
And as far as ours will reach
For as long as love has nothing to prove
And life has everything to teach
I will have someone to thank

Make it live
Make it move
Make it bliss

And now I go
Toward a season undiscovered
with no layers
with no fan
with no you
no way of knowing
whether I’ll fly away
or stand
no fingertips tracing
the lifeline on my hand

Make it fate
Make it you
Make your way to me

For as long as destiny has a resting place
And desires need a soft spot to land
For as long as hearts feel the urge to race
And canyons remain wide and grand
You, my love, will have my gratitude

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Way She Came



Some may think she forgot the way she came
If she lifts her sleeves they’d see
Names of streets that stained her feet
She could recite them backwards
Picking up the rocks that trail
Back to before they became demolished dreams
A foundation settling on possibility
Nobody lives there now
So much has passed away
And yet
Still so much remains unvisited
Her thoughts the only train
That ride on the track
To the way back

Left turn at should
Right at should not
And suddenly you are
Where you were
Funny how easy it is
And how difficult it becomes

There are things that she doesn’t know
 some things she’ll never learn
And minds that can’t be untaught
she tries not to expose her wounds
and if they somehow become unveiled
she’ll hope you look away
not in dismay
but towards the reflections of denial
that she has poured
 along the way

Forget?
Never.
If only there were such things as forgetting.
Jaded souls
can’t be traded
For new 
She couldn’t be someone else
Though there were times she tried to
Until the make-up smeared
And there she was again
Left to face her face
Some may think she has forgotten
But she knows the way and she’ll never show you
She goes the same way she came
Alone.

Sometimes Life

Sometimes life
Disguises herself with dark make-up
And hail for hair
She closes the sky
And stays in for the night
puts the stars back in her jewelry case
…nobody noticed them anyway
Then she decides that she is sad
And bathes in salted tears
Refusing to drain her fears


 write her a love letter
explaining that her beauty is eternal
 and too infinite to be hidden
let her know that pretty
seems to like to rest within her dimples
sing her a song she’ll recall she loved
send her a smile she can hear in the harmony
her heart will change
like spring is every other season
and your charm will offer reason

When her eyes are too heavy
To accept the light
When her arms are too full,
 holding boulders of burdens
and pounds of pounding worry
When all that never was, is too bad
And bouts with doubts taunt
 like a sphere of nightmares recurring
When she forgets
All but the regrets…

Remind her who she is
In the beginning
 at the end
and all the time in-between
she is worth it
she is beautiful
The deepest part of everything

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Surrender


When we turn ourselves in
Like prisoners to the night...
Long forgotten
but not for good,
the summers  bright,
we will chase the shadows
and shake them up
until they return the stolen light

We will revisit
 the blissful ignorance
of potential plight.
Catch all of the fireflies
As they form words in motion,
Dazzling taste, touch,
 sound, scent and sight.
Terms of endearment
 leaping off the tips of our tongues.
We shall put them all in a jar
like pennies saved
for a lover’s quiet thoughts


I close my eyes and whisper
 “That’s it!
That was what I needed”
Any attempt to fight or flight
Would be foolish
and undoubtedly defeated.
then all the rush
of an anticipated touch
would rise and be known
through phrases repeated
without losing their novelty

We will hide from death,
Remain untouched
by December’s frozen,
 heavy breath.
Step away,     
walk in reverse
Until things get blurry
Then fall asleep on firm plans
To someday face the worry


Thursday, February 2, 2012

I Want

I want to be the poem
That no one has read aloud
 resting between lips that wait
behind a veil of fear
longing to be lifted for its first kiss with life


I want to be the poem
That finds new reasons to live
Buried within demolished sandcastles.
Surfing on forgotten summer dreams.
As bipolar as the ocean, with brief moments of calm

I don’t want to be the poet
tossing pebbles into ponds
while thinking of something else.
Although, I think it’d be sadder
 to be the unthought-of  pebble


I want to be
the poet unafraid
to dance to rhythms true
Salsa with the sun
And save a waltz for the moon

I want to have something to say
And then say something
And then read the words back
Through another’s eyes
And know that I am not lost...

Monday, January 23, 2012

Time


The clock ticks
Even as we sleep
Time can’t be kept
It can’t hear us weep
We are all doing time

Life…
It’s more than a sentence
More like serving paragraphs
Inside chapters
To a world we’ll
Eventually leave behind
Sometimes I wonder
Will I be worth history?
And then I remember
When I almost was…
Except I would have left
No page to turn
Wouldn’t even have made
Much of an ash if it burned

Then all the tomorrows
I couldn’t afford, but still borrowed…
When it’s really my time
I hope I’ll have paid it all back
Because the gold I was bestowed
Each morning
 and the smiles throughout the day
somehow
 made the midnight struggles
slip away
and they still do

and there goes the part where I try not to cry

I’m still here with time
And an open suitcase
Full of reasons to be unpacked.
The clock can keep ticking
the moments can leave
I think I'll stay




Sunday, January 22, 2012

In That Empty Space

I listened as your footsteps left my life
Their faraway sound could be the
Beat to my ballad
I still hear it sometimes
With a pace as slow as my heart
If it were years ago
It would probably race
To chase you
But now is where I am
And you’re not here now

The stars too distant to read
But I swear they spelled good-bye
Now here I am
Fallen from love
To a world that never felt me coming
And I’m learning as I hear and see
I am discovering who I am
Each highway a possibility
Everyday is a beginning
With less and less familiarity

Sometimes those footsteps come back
Just to leave again
I hope one day they stay away
But for now, the echoes
Reside in that empty space.
I live when they leave
Sometimes for two nights or more
To get wasted
Until sobriety carries them
 back on its wagon

Time to fill up on all things not you
And leave a “no vacancy”



Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Honesty

You offered me your love
In every way but true
Tales after tails
Which one belonged to you?

I asked you for the truth
You wrapped it in bubble gum so thick
And left it on the night stand
No, it never did stick

You spoke of rainbows
And worlds where shadows don’t exist
You tried to place yourself there
But your voice never left the mist

I told you to keep your rich words
And images that I could not hold
I asked you for honesty
Suddenly you explode

Signs were meant
 to show me the way
but I got lost in the maze
your stories got longer each day

You’re someone else’s problem now
You’re half a man, still incomplete
Have you ever caught a glimpse of your reflection?
While you splash in the waters of deceit

I guess winters must be warm
With thick layers of quilted lies
Of all the snowmen in the world
You were certainly no prize

Ah, but I guess the shame
it is all on me
You just keep stepping in bullshit
I’ll be dancing with reality








One of Those Smiles

She has one of those smiles
That could bring mid January to life
And leave the sun so smitten
It would forget
 that it had some other place to be
suddenly finding itself
Shyly knocking on her door,
 hoping for a date
just to see that grin once more


She makes the wind wish it were
 funny instead of  a clumsy joke
her happiness
is nature’s main artery
vital to all things bouncing and blooming
and without her laughter
there would be no May
only lost purpose in a struggled swim
constant laps through April’s sorrow.
The moment life met her, it stopped being grim


The car radio singing your life to you
As you road trip it shot-gun
With no place to be
Other than far in front of what you’ve left behind
And right beside what you will always carry
The light…Resting on a thought
As the sun slowly hunkers down.
To be eye to eye, soul to soul
Your spirit once again a child
Just for a moment you were graced
With the presence of her smile
The blemishes in your sky erased.

Her glee could make the miles glide
Like broken-in tennis shoes on new pavement
Going places without a deliberate place to be
Just for the sake of free
And you’ll finally feel the essence of existence
When her smile leaves your name
wrapped in a golden hello
All that is not love, in that instant disappears
And with the warmest hug,
she lightens those heavy years


She taught you happiness.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Do You Remember?

Do you remember how love felt?
Does love recall touching you?
Can you offer peace to my puzzled soul
And tell me are memories still true?
Or are they like the sky
Elusive, and ever changing back to blue?

Do you remember the places we walked
Before we both walked away?
Now I’m not suggesting
I want to exchange rings with yesterday
Though it would sure be sweet
If now and then it came back to play

Sometimes I think if I closed my eyes
I would once again be certain to find you.
I bet if happiness danced into my life
It would fit perfectly in your size shoe
As it did when we waltzed before, where the footprints 
of each step remain as constant as crazy glue

You quieted my city mind
hushed the noise like a strong, swift country breeze
and left me calm, and open to be taken everywhere
surrounded with contentment, and green October trees
bracing for the Fall.
Your love was my heart’s sentry, I felt so safe and so at ease

Do you remember?
I hope I never do
Because I can’t ever recall
All that I’ve never forgotten…