Don't Hold Your Breath

Where does the poetry go

When it never gets written down?

I think it cries,

In the cracked corner of your frown

Where does a song go

When it never gets sung?

I think it dies alone,

Buried beneath a silent tongue.

Where do the words go,

when they’re never spoken to a love?

I think they sadly hide, like a somber face,

 behind its own winter glove…

and where are the legs

that never hop, skip, jump, or run?

They’re probably crossed in a chair

That sits in a bare room, knowing no fun

The saddest lips

Die holding their breath.

A soul that never exhales

never finds birth before death.

One Day

I walked and walked

But no new distance ever grew;

Same thin space remained,

tightly tucked in my back pocket.

So then I flew and flew,

and was just a flame short

of the dawn viewing me as a rocket.

I spoke and spoke,

Though my voice

 never awoke

 the snoring wind

I smiled when asked

But beneath the mask,

I never grinned.

Each time I planted hope,

Winter overstayed its welcome

And the earth just couldn’t cope.

Still I move

Still I fly

Still I speak

Yes, still I try

All without

A thousand reasons why.

except for the most obvious one...

If I persist,

One day, my spring will come

Inspiration

I think I’ll take a moment

To rest on your bed of thoughts

nap inside a painting of your cloudless dreams

 opening my eyes like small basement windows

that don’t often get much light

I think I’ll take some time

To play your song

 Harmony hushing my lips

 and tickling my ears

like a whisper silence waited for

I think I’ll take a second’s chance

To watch you dance partner-less

 around a symphony of new ideas

maybe your rhythm will teach a step

my soul can learn to do

I think I’ll take a day

and abandon myself

To be with you, instead

My Heaven

There is a place nearby

Where the longing

For the some things

And some ones are kept

For all that I can feel

 but no longer touch

It has no streams

It has no trees

dressed in green, gold or red

it has no cliffs

to sit on the edge

 and contemplate what ifs

It carries no clouds,

and no planes or birds

freely fly through

it holds no life,

just a memory of life that once was

It’s not the same as what I want

It’s what I presently have

There is a faraway place existing

Where I don’t yet exist

Where those some things

And some ones now live

Where butterflies

 frequently flutter

 as indigo happily swirls itself

 across a summer sky

It is swarming with eager smiles

Familiar, kind eyes

and open, fervent arms

It’s nourished through creation

Always bursting with fresh art

It holds life

A life that is now

It’s the same as what I want

And all I am yet to have again

My Heaven is when and where

these two places collide

Where the empty is filled

And when the lost is found

Wasted

Stole the blue

 from the morning sky

And used it to ink sorrow

Across my heart

Now newly tattooed

The only permanence that exists

In my autumn world

Of dead brown

And teasing gold

Where everything falls

After it finally changes

And nothing grows old

Just bare and cold

Now winter captures 

and consumes

These unfinished chapters

Though I’m too weary to rage

And tear off each white,

 wordless page

Just monotony and I

Snoozing through tomorrow’s alarm

And waking winded

 in a panic of forgotten tasks

a pond of wasted years

cupped in my palms

Splashing a face of unfaceable fears

Can’t revive the past

It’s all down the drain

Clogged with pain.

Where Sorrow Goes

Shaking in the darkness

Surrounded by my own

Wintered thoughts

I can see the pleas

Float away from my lips

Beyond the stars…

The stars

That have already been claimed

By an optimist’s wish

They’ve all been taken

And so all I have

Is the infinite,

elusive, empty space

Where sorrow goes

 To eternally live...

If I Were Blind

If I were blind

Would you write to me anyway?

Simply because there are words

The heart can’t speak

Would you take my hand in yours

 and together, guide them over the ink

And would I understand

Simply because there are things

The soul always knows

I’d like to hope so

And every time I hope

It leads to a road

 filled with thoughts of you

a road I have even travelled in my sleep

while bumping into new possibilities

along the way

If I were blind

Would you write to me anyway?

Maybe I was, and you did

And now my vision is clear
that would explain my ink stained hands

The Sun Sleeps on the Mountain

(For my 5 year old niece Shaniya, who asked me if the sun sleeps on the mountain)

To feel as young,

As summer in June

And as rested as

The sun that sleeps

On a bed of leaves

Beneath a mountain’s tallest tree

Long lashes, and expressive eyes
hint an age far greater
and thoughts far brighter
than her August candles' glow
even the bottom of the massive ocean
couldn't compare to the depth of the poetry in her soul

Before she had teeth

To peek through her effervescent smile
I could hear the questions
I'd never think to know

If love had an alias,

it would use her name in moments like these

She rushes for an embrace

And I see joy reveal itself

through her open arms
As she shares her spirit through her laughter
all my despondency in that instant, is removed
and replaced with immortal hope

With each visit
her heart teaches me
the lessons life hides
like eggs in Easter grass
and each day that knows her
is a little more brilliant for it.

As I Go On

As I go on

strolling

through days and hours

 that I’d much rather give to you

I spent 31 years unknowing

I wouldn’t have any more

With you to see me through

I close my eyes,

and fade into nights

Where I dream this is all untrue

If life were fair

I’d give you a watch

Filled with all of my time

But it caught me unaware

and struck me deep

 with my biggest fear

If you could have it all

I’d be more than okay with none

 I keep asking a thousand questions

And the sky won’t even answer one

I’m wishing my thoughts

Were as light as the clouds

so the wind can easily push them away

Instead, heavy and loud

There in my mind they always stay

And the more I picture your smile

The more I wish I didn’t have to go on

With just a picture everyday

I miss you

It’s all I can think, and all I can say

My Little Sister ( A poem for Amanda)

My Little Sister (A Poem For Amanda)

Although now you are grown

my little sister I will always see

Yet I don’t think there was ever

 a time you looked up to me

You were always so independent

Knew how to work the VCR when you were three

I had to watch the Breakfast Club

And White Water Summer, A thousand times a week

I was the quiet one and you

still haven’t stopped talking since you learned how to speak

You and I-We are

like day and night

Even our initials (A.M. and P.M.)

Fits us so right

But there is one thing we share

 That’s my love for you and your love for me

I’m your big sister

And you will always mean the world to me

I recall the countless times

You pissed me off and I wanted to knock you out

Then you made me feel bad

When your eyes were sad and your lips would pout

no matter how many times our characters clashed

We were there for each other when we needed to be

You know you’re my little sister

And you will always mean the world to me

As a child you

 cracked me up with your silly ways

And even sometimes you still do now

You brightened up most of my days

But good through bad- in my heart

 my love for you forever stays

No matter

how often we may disagree

I’m proud to be your big sister and

You will always mean the world to me

Spreading Ashes

A neglected candle

fallen to the ground

flames reaching desperately

to be seen and found

Destroying all that

Breezes kiss

Annihilating darkness’s cloak

With a bitter hiss

All that once breathed the sky

Is choking on the smoking hate

 Alarming love

Though sadly, it is much too late

If only this candle knew it began

 as a spark ignited by life’s shining prayer

Perhaps then it would have danced with hope

Instead of spreading ashes of despair

We need an answer

And I believe it’s beating at each chest

Until we let love in

Hate will gain more power and never need to rest

Duet

In a quiet room

 Filled with the calm of honest light

Our thoughts sang a duet over the rain

It was a few deep breaths in the night

That would heal this soul 

for infinite days to come

Risking all

the stinging, inevitable goodbyes

for the chance

to answer the what ifs and whys

for the experience of knowing

something good and extraordinarily true

So while some think us full of crazy

as they continue complicating what remains of time

by holding out for permanence

permanently pondering love in an obscure rhyme

I will hum a tune of a duet I was a part of
when harmony reigned once upon a rainy night

 I spend my hours now

with gratefulness and clarity

and I smile
at all that is beautiful and true

these things I would have never known

 if I never sang with you

BARRIERS

You shouted over
The voice in my head
My thoughts bulldozed
Trapped beneath your volume
Until the last of me was dead
And direction remained unfound
Barriers
of unwanted sound
causing a train to wreck in the night.
The sky was high but dim
and I believe I am somewhere
near that unseen light

Stumbling through a cloud of you

formed through evaporated tears

life became so weak

from the unused, passing years.

So tired left me through with trying

and anger made me wish I could.

Suffocated, panicked,
splashing sorrow.

Unable to swim across a fear

Tempted

to say goodbye to tomorrow

So much inside

needing to come out

and become someone

but the streetlights

stood like prison guards
 throughout the endless night

a permanent curfew

and from a star, hung my suspended dreams

I wonder if your voice wasn't so loud,

would my courage have heard my struggled screams?

All the dusty pieces of me

scattered on a basement floor

I couldn't be whole enough

to be anything more

So here I am,

still as I was...

too broken to break through

the barriers

and I wonder...

 If your voice wasn't so loud

would I have heard
 my own bravery

and walked towards a way out

with enough strength, and a proud heart

to silence each daunting shout?

A Bucket of Coins

I wish a moment didn't stain

The page I still turn back to

I wish life

 would have filled you with breath instead of pain

I wish you could see the heart we felt

I wish you knew gold was beneath the gray

It shined for those you treasured…

It shined even in the heaviest rain

I wish midnight left a trail

So I could walk

 Towards a second that wasn’t too late

I wish you knew that impossible

 was a word never meant for someone

 as incredibly capable

and loved as you

I really wish you  knew…

I wish the morning sun found you awake

I wish the drifting clouds discovered your dreams

And left them by your pillow

 for your open eyes to claim

Still, I understand, the conflict within

Was too much to tame

 I can’t stop wishing…

With tears dropping

 like a bucket of coins in a well of wants

And I’d pay a thousand more

 if it made them come true

If only a penny could bring me your  thoughts

instead I'm only brought my own of you

I wish
because somewhere you’ll hear it and smile

 I wish you could stay

I wish you knew...

Blind World

There were times

I wished my heart would stop

There were moments

I wished the clock would stop

There were hours

I wished the world would stop

Not a thing was still

All I was, was nothing

Unseen... the part of the picture

That escapes the eye’s curiosity

Unable to leap out of the negative

The part that played no part

There and not

 Not a soul knew my soul

And then

Time beat my chest

Until the rhythm of its seconds

Resuscitated my will

until the earth, the air, sound…

everything was new

 The depth of life was stronger than my own sobriety

I closed my eyes, 

drifted in darkness

And complained of a blind world

until I finally opened them enough to see

the sky's bright eyes

that were always watching over me

MAYBE

Maybe if my life crawled

Slow enough to trace the Earth

And come back to the beginning

Still beating, still burning

More than June’s screaming sun

Maybe if my heart was as proverbial

As one mentioned on many a beloved poet’s page

And attentive eyes studied its rhythm

Sometimes slow, sometimes none at all

Forever living far beyond its allotted time

Maybe if my hands

 touched the bark of the oldest tree,

that has offered more breath

than my lungs will ever struggle for

stronger than the storming centuries it stood up against

Maybe if my eyes came alive

Like a city weekend night

And I were somewhere breaking the speed limit

On the fastest way to not here

Enjoying every unfamiliar turn

Maybe if time would stop stealing

my side of the bed

And leave me with a little room and proper rest

If each hour were as soft and kind as my favorite pillow

I wouldn’t mind its company and I’d be better for it

Maybe…

If I were all these things

I wouldn’t be me.

Final Storm

You left your footprints

I found them there after yesterday’s rain

 alone

 in the mud

I was happy to see them

Even though it meant

I’d never again

 get to struggle with the blinding sun

To see the hope in your eyes

As your lashes flutter

Unaware of the envy

In the bird's chirp and morning's mutter

The footprints stay

Long after your final storm

Beside them, I stand long in thought

Close to where you once briefly stood

Perhaps taken by the same current

Of confusion

Struck by the same jolt

Of anger

submerged in a river

polluted with our own qualms

so much that
an invisible today

and the urgency

of every imagined tomorrow

formed a bleak yesterday

that I could not find the strength

to wipe away

I imagined a world

That understood the breadth of you

a Brilliance

stretching the visions

Of those who gazed upon it

With elated eyes

My mind drifted to all the moments

You could have made true

In the places that could have been

If the future safely held you

The sidewalks with your scribbled name

I will walk up to,

stop and smile

because it’s a name I knew

and I’ll wish those that walk by it

would have known it too

You left your footprints

and even though it was too late

I left mine beside yours

Until Then

She wears shades

On cloudy days,

Hears rhymes

Whispered by willows

And deeply breathes them in

Until it’s time to exhale

The words through her pen

She waltzes with memories

Until sadness cuts in

And then her dancing shoes disappear

There’s never a prince to find them

But there’s always next year

She can play the piano with her heart

But her hands aren’t as smart

No one understands

And she says that’s okay

she gets lost in the darkness

trying to find a brand new day

and the man on the moon

Has no hands to point the way

 or join in with a violin

So she shakes her head

And gives a sigh

Wishes the sky

Wasn’t so high

Jealous of planes

They have no soul, yet they can fly

She doesn't want to blend

She doesn't want to mend

She just wants to be

without stubbing her toes on distractions

that interrupt the beauty

One day 

she’ll find a way

When she remembers how to try

Until then, she’ll stand alone

Just like the letter I.

The Sky Has Long Since Lost Its Blue

 3-3-10

It’s midnight now
And the sky has long since lost its blue
On the terrace
eager to catch a late summer night’s breeze
in the background
Beethoven’s piano plays
A tune of present sorrow
Somewhere lying on an untouched key
is a note of hope yet to be heard,
though once it’s touched
a smile will greet the sunrise tomorrow


Goose bumps form beneath my sleeves
In tune with the sighing wind
And the shrugging branches
Showing off its abundant leaves
The crickets gossip of the madness
That goes on between the earth and moon
The birds, all deep in repose
After fluttering about from morning to late afternoon

In the midst of the cool wind’s charity
The noise of traffic suddenly disrupts
Any chance of clarity
These eyes attempt to avoid
the streetlight’s glares
The cigarette’s smoke escapes from my mouth
and swirls around Like a tornado formed
of whispered prayers

Perhaps tomorrow
I’ll be kissed by the rays of the sun
And maybe I’ll let it catch me
Even if I should feel the urge to run

For now the night understands my troubles
So I’ll spend my time with the moon
For as long as it will have me
And never tire of its comforting tune.

Whispers

2007

While she sleeps
He lies awake
His eyes turn
To her side of the bed
Is she dreaming of him
Or some long lost love
It doesn’t matter
She looks content

Such beauty, such serenity
Fills the room
His soul is calm
As he listens to each
Deep breath she slowly takes

A cool breeze sneaks through
The open window
She shivers for a moment
He pulls the comforter
Slightly higher to protect
Her bare shoulders
then kisses her cheek

He whispers I love you
Now in this peaceful night
Before during the afternoon storm
I love you
when the wind is fierce
When the clouds are still
Then he fades back to sleep


As she slowly wakes
Her eyes turn to
His side of the bed
To study the man of her dreams
In his tranquil state
Her love for him is
Perfect in all of its imperfection

She whispers I love you
Now in this silent room
Before when thunder filled the air
I love you
When the sun is farthest from the sky
When the birds return for spring
Then she kisses his face


Now they lie in a quiet slumber
filled with passionate dreams
They’ve already made love
Now they cherish it

Finding Solace Within

 2008

A heart so cold and numb
Tears too frozen to cry
The ice would not break
My spirit couldn't fly
Too far from that so-called home
My wings were clipped
Searched for comfort
In each glass of wine I sipped
It just left my tongue
with a bitter taste
but for a while
 the memory of you was erased

There were no rivers
Just an icy pond
I waited for Mother Nature
To wave her wand
And bring us spring
The calendar never changed
and you and I
remained estranged
It seemed as if March would not go away
And February's fallen snow
 would always stay


Yet now here I sit
Doing just fine without the likes of you
alone but not lonely and now
the sky is a different shade of blue

Listening to love songs
They no longer make sense
Inside this house
Which around I've built a fence
To keep all the
Mr. Wrongs at bay
This hibernating heart
Will awake again one day
Perhaps when the sun
Finds its way to May


For now I have found solace within
And covered all the scars
on the place where your love pierced my skin

If I Should Come Across Tomorrow

1-14-10

There’s a red bird
And it dances with the branches
While the sky flaunts
Its best blue dress
I watch the airplanes carry people
their dreams
Balancing on a shaky cloud
Thoughts of tomorrow
In my mind are daunting and loud
But I just want to be here
And be silent
With right now
In this weightless moment

Tomorrow’s too heavy
For my soul to carry
My hearts too familiar with the past
I’ve been there and done that
all the t-shirts are worn and faded

This minute is like new love
A first kiss with closed eyes
Beneath the blinding sun
These legs are too content to run
So I think I’ll stay
But if I should come across tomorrow
I hope it brings me more
Than I left with yesterday

Who I Am

I am me
And that may not be a movie star
Or any role in any movie
But I play my own role well
Each day that my life reels on
And the ending will be
Whatever I want it to be

My picture has never been in a magazine
Though my mind has painted images far prettier
and my eyes recognize beauty when they see it
I have a heart capable of loving beauty
in all of its forms
And loving is beautiful
So therefore I am beautiful

When walking about with my face uncovered
No make-up, no style to my hair
I may not think of myself as much to look at
But I’m not looking in the mirror
I’m looking at the world
And there is plenty of stunning in it to see
And the world is a reflection of me

I haven’t sung in front of thousands
This melody in my soul
May be a tune too heavy to carry
But if I sing it, I won’t have to hold it
My song will render me weightless
and thousands of tears
will run down to kiss my smile

I don’t have millions of dollars
And I probably will never earn
A quarter of that in my life
but I have friends that have offered me
infinite amounts of rich laughter
even loaned me their smile on a sad day
So when the bills pile up, there are many debts that I can still pay

I am me and you are you
When it’s all summed up
together we are extraordinary
For those reasons alone
And in all the ways it counts the most

Our worth is not to be undervalued
It's to be multiplied
by each part of life that we're a part of
and to be cherished
with each day of living

The Stains of Longing

 4-10-10


She sat there on the porch, silent
No shimmer in her sleepless eyes
Just as plain as a white t-shirt
Wanting the rain to come down
To wash away the stains of longing

So envious of the moon
how the stars
they all seemed to swoon
and surround the night with love
she wished on them all
for a voice as strong as the wind
Just a little more courage
To do more than just pretend
To be crowded with life
And for the loneliness to end
Waiting…
for a little sunlight to befriend

Perhaps it was all her fault
Pushing away chances
Instead of clouds
Until her eyes became a faded blue
Blending with the grey
Remaining speechless
Though there was much to say

Overpowered by thunder
Her heart’s telling
Could vaguely be heard
And so she misinterpreted
Every single word

If only she could spend a day
Without the night
Lost in her own darkness
Determined to find the way
To make it all right

What If

5-28-10


Too much time to think
And not enough time to be
So many hours wasted
Trying to run away from me
So how with all that moving
and with all that leaving
Am I left here standing
Still
 In front of this mirror?
And which reflection is true?
Is it this?
Confusion
 surrounded by many shades of blue?
or the one your eyes show
When the sparkles in them dance
and show me all that I could do?
What if it is neither
And I am not worthy to be in the midst of your view?

What if all this mind wandering
 and these floating thoughts
Will forever carry on,
 until the time I cease to exist
Preventing my footprints
 from ever showing on the sand
What if I can never open my heart
or unclench my fist
Or if my appearance is nothing more than
a Lipstick mark, wiped away
 from the many cheeks that I have kissed
Never to be seen or felt again…
when the world is still here and I am gone.
These are the thoughts
That seem to always linger on

Not Quite Gone and Not Quite Here

10-25-10

Just another thirsty moment
Without a drink in reach
I once felt greatness within
Yet never unleashed
The beat was kept encaged
Beneath a solid, quiet layer
Relentlessly muting a thunderous heart
Until it lost all its rage
And fell apart
Into many shattered pieces
that will never become art
Swept up and thrown away

Blue eyes that only see gray
Searching for a sun that stopped glowing
Around the time
this body stopped growing
I fear I’ll never shine
As I once did in my youth
Before I lost all imagination
And found the truth

  Can’t shake this dread
That once the memory fully fades
The ocean will lose its waves
And these feet will be left standing
Stranded and dry in the sand
Stuck between not quite gone
 and not quite here
Motionless as the winter shore
A dreamer without slumber
Surrendering to the nevermore

Unwelcome Visitor

Last night I was visited by memories
thought to be long forgotten
Of rivers cried
And love gone rotten


I turned wet pages
Some were torn
From horrific rages

I traced my finger
Over every word and somber verse
A past that belonged to someone else
Yet follows behind me like a curse

Back then my pen was strong
Though my voice was weak
So I wrote
But I would not speak

This dusty book
From so long ago
Now seems written
By a soul I do not know
And hope to never know again

Yet sometimes on quiet nights
This stranger visits me now and then
I do not welcome
this gloomy visitor's company
but out my window the shaky branches
appear to beckon me
I opened the window just a crack
And in with the wind
All that sorrow came breezing back

Ghosts of the past
trapped in present time
A tear drop
Between every rhyme
Not a smile in sight


I turned and turned
All the pages I never set on fire
And there was nothing
That could be found of smiles or desire

So much has changed since then
I will fill in what's missing
With a brand new pen

So instead of sending
the unwelcome visitor away
I offered the ghost a hug
Whispered softly..
Don't worry it is now okay.

Come Out and Dance

11-27-10



I met happiness
In a quiet
but not so still afternoon
When the sun was warm
But not blinding
And a breeze came waltzing in
Through the open window
And wrapped itself around me
For a moment
 then left…
not a permanent goodbye
But a teasing “so-long”
Sort of daring me to come along

I saw happiness
When I looked out with a smile
To see the branches waving a welcome hello
The dawn of a bright autumn capturing my attention
My eyes were glad to be held in its custody
Never has a prisoner felt so free.
 The air was kind enough to remind me
that I was lucky to breathe
 and should  breathe in slowly
and as often and deeply as I can

I felt happiness
When again the breeze came
For a while playfully whirling
Until for no more than a split second,
 Touching my bare shoulders
 much like a first love touches a heart
 No matter how fleeting,
 still long enough to give an unforgettable impression
Leaving its memory like a beauty mark
 that will always remain on my skin

I knew happiness
When I awoke, well rested, to a cloudless sky
And I was embraced with what I always needed
But never before considered necessary
Until that moment
that I learned about rhythm
And I wanted more
when I realized life wanted me
To come out and dance.

Life wanted me…
And I wanted life

The Stream

1-24-11


So silent in her wanting
With a voice like a prayer
Hoping to be heard
 by only those who care
Needing to be touched by
 More than the cool night’s air
but to be caressed in similar ways
Though not usually one for silly wishes
Have you ever met a breeze that stays?

…yet somehow deep inside somewhere
There’s a spot reserved for dreams
A part that never broke away
Stayed wading in the streams
In a place where
pretty things forever stay
And only beauty is
 welcome to play
You can find her there
After a sad day
With drops of water in her palms
A calm remedy for raging tears
This is where she is herself
She’s been coming here for years

So close to home, that she feels it is
 So many miles from her fears
She knows this place so well
This is where she runs to
When she runs away from hell

Until The Ocean Steals My Smile

I’m not here

 to place my doubts on every sailing cloud

or figure out how

 to turn the volume of my life up real loud

my vision has never been good for distance

And sometimes love’s too far to hold my hand

still I can find happiness in simplicity

often just by drawing smiles in the sand

maybe they won’t stay forever

I know I can say for sure that I won’t

Where will I go?

That may not be

 for me to know

at least not right now...

So I think I’ll just sit and breathe

Until the ocean’s salty sorrow

 steals my smile

and then I’ll draw another for each new day

each time a bit further

and further away

for as long as the shore

 will let me stay

Shenanigans

I want to smoke pot

And find things funny

Maybe play some hopscotch

With the easter bunny

Love things untagged

And burn up all my money

Before it torches my pockets

I want to run

But not away

Spill some pink

Over charcoal grey

Knock on the night’s door

And ask it to play

While we’re both still young

Feel something

That will feel me back

Find the depth

Without the black

Feed my soul

Until it doesn’t lack

And stop the maddening hunger

Take some words

And make them rhyme

Punch the clock

Until the death of time

Get my tongue acquainted

With a beverage and a lime

where wrong and right dance together

Am I There Yet?

No?

How about now?

The Curse

So I ask

Dear poet

What draws you to the sea?

When waves fervently kiss the wind

Do you hear colliding poetry?

All those words your fingers caressed

With hopes that your soul

Would reach out

And leak onto the world

You left in the night

To dive into

 the unknown light

How many before

And so many after

Have done the same?

So I ask

Though I think I know

It draws me too…

Perhaps in the same way

as it does you

why do I want to understand?

So that fate

doesn't grab and pull my hand?

When the dusk dips

And the night swirls

Into a sad melody

That stirs the syllables

Within my heart

And no metaphor can be

Rocked slow to sleep.

All stars start shooting

And the mad midnight

Begins brewing

There’s nothing still

To hold

No calm to float on

So I ask:

Did you feel the curses

Of crashing verses?

Did you sleepwalk in slippers

only to awaken, 

to your own cries,

so shaken

out of the depths of a nightmare

to a place

Where boldness meets fear?

Is there a map

That will take me far away from there?

To where I may overcome 

that overwhelming intensity?

Inside

Inside

Inside 

an oven closed

Baked emotions

Burned by the lack of attention

It didn’t want anyway

Now all that's left

is the taste of grey 

and the smoky odor of what the fire left

The fire

That was never dealt with

They've come to make sense

Of the ashes

But breath can not exist here

And nothing familiar

Is there to be recognized

There is nothing fancy

Floating within the cloudy room

Just smoldered dreams

On the glitter-free, 

now sparkless earth

No valuable remnants

To find the sky

And show their worth

A buried heart

Can not grow

And the one who owned it

Only wanted to give it away

Or trade it for freedom

But the heat was too much
untouchable

and it became ashes scattered

Before it met the air

It died

Without ever having lived

It’s all gone

Or is it?

Is it possible for what never was

To be gone or go?

I’d like to think so

Reminiscing

This one kind of came out like a country song...or at least that's what it sounds like in my head. :-)

Not all days and nights are right for reminiscing

But sometimes the sunset seems to know

When I miss all the ways you touched me

With just the right amount of soft and slow

and with a violent passion

you beat right into my quiescent heart

and it’s there, where you still manage to flow

Not all clouds are shaped like yesterdays

But sometimes I feel like the sky is teasing me

It’s not the blue that reminds me of you

It’s the warmth of the sun, just before it leaves me

Then I wander back into that moment

When I first met your smile

Before that, I didn’t know all that much about happy

Knowing days like that can still live

Gives me hope that I’ll see love again soon

And not just between

the setting sun and the rising moon

but  in all of the places willows won’t cry

and for far longer 

than the sun lights up the hours of June

My Gratitude

How could I feel so much

From someone that lay
so many miles away

The way he touched me

Like some kind of magic trick

No hands

Just words whispered from lips

That slipped inside my heart

Though I could not watch their movement

Still, I felt the need to kiss

Make it true

Make it love

Make it this

For as long as the clock’s hands move

And as far as ours will reach

For as long as love has nothing to prove

And life has everything to teach

I will have someone to thank

Make it live

Make it move

Make it bliss

And now I go

Toward a season undiscovered

with no layers

with no fan

with no you

no way of knowing

whether I’ll fly away

or stand

no fingertips tracing

the lifeline on my hand

Make it fate

Make it you

Make your way to me

For as long as destiny has a resting place

And desires need a soft spot to land

For as long as hearts feel the urge to race

And canyons remain wide and grand

You, my love, will have my gratitude

The Way She Came

Some may think she forgot the way she came

If she lifts her sleeves they’d see

Names of streets that stained her feet

She could recite them backwards

Picking up the rocks that trail

Back to before they became demolished dreams

A foundation settling on possibility

Nobody lives there now

So much has passed away

And yet

Still so much remains unvisited

Her thoughts the only train

That ride on the track

To the way back

Left turn at should

Right at should not

And suddenly you are

Where you were

Funny how easy it is

And how difficult it becomes

There are things that she doesn’t know

 some things she’ll never learn

And minds that can’t be untaught

she tries not to expose her wounds

and if they somehow become unveiled

she’ll hope you look away

not in dismay

but towards the reflections of denial

that she has poured

 along the way

Forget?

Never.

If only there were such things as forgetting.

Jaded souls

can’t be traded

For new 

She couldn’t be someone else

Though there were times she tried to

Until the make-up smeared

And there she was again

Left to face her face

Some may think she has forgotten

But she knows the way and she’ll never show you

She goes the same way she came

Alone.

Sometimes Life

Sometimes life

Disguises herself with dark make-up

And hail for hair

She closes the sky

And stays in for the night

puts the stars back in her jewelry case

…nobody noticed them anyway

Then she decides that she is sad

And bathes in salted tears

Refusing to drain her fears

 write her a love letter

explaining that her beauty is eternal

 and too infinite to be hidden

let her know that pretty

seems to like to rest within her dimples

sing her a song she’ll recall she loved

send her a smile she can hear in the harmony

her heart will change

like spring is every other season

and your charm will offer reason

When her eyes are too heavy

To accept the light

When her arms are too full,

 holding boulders of burdens

and pounds of pounding worry

When all that never was, is too bad

And bouts with doubts taunt

 like a sphere of nightmares recurring

When she forgets

All but the regrets…

Remind her who she is

In the beginning

 at the end

and all the time in-between

she is worth it

she is beautiful

The deepest part of everything

Surrender

When we turn ourselves in

Like prisoners to the night...

Long forgotten

but not for good,

the summers  bright,

we will chase the shadows

and shake them up

until they return the stolen light

We will revisit

 the blissful ignorance

of potential plight.

Catch all of the fireflies

As they form words in motion,

Dazzling taste, touch,

 sound, scent and sight.

Terms of endearment

 leaping off the tips of our tongues.

We shall put them all in a jar

like pennies saved

for a lover’s quiet thoughts

I close my eyes and whisper

 “That’s it!
That was what I needed”

Any attempt to fight or flight

Would be foolish

and undoubtedly defeated.
then all the rush

of an anticipated touch

would rise and be known

through phrases repeated

without losing their novelty

We will hide from death,

Remain untouched

by December’s frozen,

 heavy breath.

Step away,     

walk in reverse

Until things get blurry

Then fall asleep on firm plans

To someday face the worry

I Want

I want to be the poem

That no one has read aloud

 resting between lips that wait

behind a veil of fear

longing to be lifted for its first kiss with life

I want to be the poem

That finds new reasons to live

Buried within demolished sandcastles.

Surfing on forgotten summer dreams.

As bipolar as the ocean, with brief moments of calm

I don’t want to be the poet

tossing pebbles into ponds

while thinking of something else.

Although, I think it’d be sadder

 to be the unthought-of  pebble

I want to be
the poet unafraid
to dance to rhythms true

Salsa with the sun

And save a waltz for the moon

I want to have something to say

And then say something

And then read the words back

Through another’s eyes

And know that I am not lost...

Time

The clock ticks

Even as we sleep

Time can’t be kept

It can’t hear us weep

We are all doing time

Life…

It’s more than a sentence

More like serving paragraphs

Inside chapters

To a world we’ll

Eventually leave behind

Sometimes I wonder

Will I be worth history?

And then I remember

When I almost was…

Except I would have left

No page to turn

Wouldn’t even have made

Much of an ash if it burned

Then all the tomorrows

I couldn’t afford, but still borrowed…

When it’s really my time

I hope I’ll have paid it all back

Because the gold I was bestowed

Each morning

 and the smiles throughout the day

somehow

 made the midnight struggles

slip away

and they still do

and there goes the part where I try not to cry

I’m still here with time

And an open suitcase

Full of reasons to be unpacked.

The clock can keep ticking

the moments can leave

I think I'll stay

In That Empty Space

I listened as your footsteps left my life

Their faraway sound could be the

Beat to my ballad

I still hear it sometimes

With a pace as slow as my heart

If it were years ago

It would probably race

To chase you

But now is where I am

And you’re not here now

The stars too distant to read

But I swear they spelled good-bye

Now here I am

Fallen from love

To a world that never felt me coming

And I’m learning as I hear and see

I am discovering who I am

Each highway a possibility

Everyday is a beginning

With less and less familiarity

Sometimes those footsteps come back

Just to leave again

I hope one day they stay away

But for now, the echoes

Reside in that empty space.

I live when they leave

Sometimes for two nights or more

To get wasted

Until sobriety carries them

 back on its wagon

Time to fill up on all things not you

And leave a “no vacancy”

Honesty

You offered me your love

In every way but true

Tales after tails

Which one belonged to you?

I asked you for the truth

You wrapped it in bubble gum so thick

And left it on the night stand

No, it never did stick

You spoke of rainbows

And worlds where shadows don’t exist

You tried to place yourself there

But your voice never left the mist

I told you to keep your rich words

And images that I could not hold

I asked you for honesty

Suddenly you explode

Signs were meant

 to show me the way

but I got lost in the maze

your stories got longer each day

You’re someone else’s problem now

You’re half a man, still incomplete

Have you ever caught a glimpse of your reflection?

While you splash in the waters of deceit

I guess winters must be warm

With thick layers of quilted lies

Of all the snowmen in the world

You were certainly no prize

Ah, but I guess the shame

it is all on me

You just keep stepping in bullshit

I’ll be dancing with reality

One of Those Smiles

She has one of those smiles

That could bring mid January to life

And leave the sun so smitten

It would forget

 that it had some other place to be

suddenly finding itself

Shyly knocking on her door,

 hoping for a date

just to see that grin once more

She makes the wind wish it were

 funny instead of  a clumsy joke

her happiness

is nature’s main artery

vital to all things bouncing and blooming

and without her laughter

there would be no May

only lost purpose in a struggled swim

constant laps through April’s sorrow.

The moment life met her, it stopped being grim

The car radio singing your life to you

As you road trip it shot-gun

With no place to be

Other than far in front of what you’ve left behind

And right beside what you will always carry

The light…Resting on a thought

As the sun slowly hunkers down.

To be eye to eye, soul to soul

Your spirit once again a child

Just for a moment you were graced

With the presence of her smile

The blemishes in your sky erased.

Her glee could make the miles glide

Like broken-in tennis shoes on new pavement

Going places without a deliberate place to be

Just for the sake of free

And you’ll finally feel the essence of existence

When her smile leaves your name

wrapped in a golden hello

All that is not love, in that instant disappears

And with the warmest hug,

she lightens those heavy years

She taught you happiness.

Do You Remember?

Do you remember how love felt?

Does love recall touching you?

Can you offer peace to my puzzled soul

And tell me are memories still true?

Or are they like the sky

Elusive, and ever changing back to blue?

Do you remember the places we walked

Before we both walked away?

Now I’m not suggesting

I want to exchange rings with yesterday

Though it would sure be sweet

If now and then it came back to play

Sometimes I think if I closed my eyes

I would once again be certain to find you.

I bet if happiness danced into my life

It would fit perfectly in your size shoe

As it did when we waltzed before, where the footprints 

of each step remain as constant as crazy glue

You quieted my city mind

hushed the noise like a strong, swift country breeze

and left me calm, and open to be taken everywhere

surrounded with contentment, and green October trees

bracing for the Fall.

Your love was my heart’s sentry, I felt so safe and so at ease

Do you remember?

I hope I never do

Because I can’t ever recall

All that I’ve never forgotten…